I wish that I could give you a huge hug. You are emotionally, mentally and physically drained from dealing w/this man. You have a lot of anger bubbling under the surface. You will need to find a way to release that anger or it's going to make you a miserable woman and it's keeping you in one place. Find something physical to release that anger on.
About the conversation w/your xh about the money, I know it hurts like heck, but you've got to find a way to stop referring to his gf. Stop putting yourself down in front of him. If you were truly nothing to this man, you wouldn't have been married as long as you were nor would you have had children. He's not ready to hear what you have to say and your reminders are making him angry, because he knows deep down that he was wrong in walking away. He's not ready to face the consequences of his actions and there's no telling if he ever will be.
If he does things for the kids or even you, just thank him and keep it short and sweet. Again, you are preaching to a man who is deaf at the moment. By saying the things you did, you are justifying to him why he left you. You are a great mother and a warm and loving human being...show him this by your words and actions. The best revenge is to live well. Show him that you don't need him and that you can move forward and be happy. Show him!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I found one with that name on the "insight timer" app on my iPhone. Starting to really get into meditation and I never did it before.
Loved it. (Sometimes it's more aspirational than realistic, but I've got a goal!)
xoxo
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Hi exquisite, I've moved over here from Newcomers, so I need to go back and read your story, but for now, just dropping by to say Hi and hang in there. That and GAL are about all we can do!!
But I shudder to think where we'd be if we hadn't found this site!
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
I've learned through this process many things. The main one I think is that if what I do, be it snooping, texting or whatever affects me in a negative way.......
Then I won't do it. After my first H left me (we were very young) I was filled with hate and anger. I'm determined to not do that again. Why? Because it has a negative affect on ME.
If I text H, it's because I want to. If he doesn't answer that's fine. If he does I may respond straight away or not, it's up to me.
I'm in control. I want you to be too. Eight years is far too much of your life to invest in this.
Please let go of the hate....for your sake (((cwtch)) to you from Wales.
D17 was questioned about her week-end when he brought D15 back on sunday.. what she did, where we went and why.
She was reluctant to share with him. Eventually, she told him we went to look for a car for her. He got upset. Then, he asked her if she wanted that 1k or wait and spend it with him. Again, she did not know what to answer. He asked if she felt bad for taking it and she answered: kind of.. again, he got upset and told her he was trying to do something nice for us and it only got people upset.. said he was upset and left.
A series of text were sent to her apologizing and car suggestions he had found on line ( ) .
Tonight, Son came over and also had his father present this week. Ex-h bought him a new phone and gave him the rest of his 1k. Son does not expect ex-h to look or follow through with the financial responsability. ( neitter do i but i know my kids are ok regardless ).
Son can see ex-h making an effort for a short while and then go back to his old ways.. We'll see..
As for us, me and D17 visited D21 last saturday. She had not heard from ex-h's financial plan. She did however have a conversation with him where he asked why dhe did not share a regular, everyday stuff with him. She told him she had a job interview and would get the answer in the following week..
When she did, she told herself: he showed interest so i' ll tell him.. she texted him: I got the job!!!!
No answer... In her mind: there, this is why i don' t bother... you don' t care...
It is hard for me to move on cause he is brought up so often.. it' s like he is constantly present.
Last edited by job; 10/04/1712:59 AM. Reason: Added spacing between paragraphs
equisite - That's got to be tough on the kids. They understand even less than we do how they can just be ignored when they want to share with their father. Especially when they feel that they are reaching out an olive branch.
That's where the complete ignorance I have about my own kid's interactions with their mother is perhaps a blessing.
Too bad you can't just tell them - "well he's a a-hole" and everyone moves on.
You'll be in the middle of this for a while yet - sending you strength. ((equisite))
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
xo