Thank you Juju. I'm learning a lot about myself, for sure.
I've learnt that by nature I'm an incredibly private person, even to those I am most close to. I think this may have been one of the reasons for things to start going downhill in my M. Add to that, my STBXH who wasn't able to talk about anything at all. Even some of his friends would comment and joke about how uneasy he would become if someone talked to him about his feelings...
So in an attempt to learn something from all of this and behave a little differently to see where it takes me, I'm now sharing more my feelings and thoughts to those that are closest to me (a couple of the friends I have made over these part few years and my new partner).
It's interesting. I know that I am feeling more vulnerable and I can feel that it stresses me out and that I find it tiring. I have to keep reminding myself that I am able and that I will cope with the consequences of this openness.
Anyway, a late lunch a couple of days ago with one of my older work colleagues at the moment. She had previously worked with STBXH and his uncle, probably about 5 or 6 years ago. I had met her during this time. Over lunch we talked a little about STBXH and (relatively) openly. There was still **a lot** I didn't mention...we really just skirted on the surface of things, but talked openly and honestly enough too.
She mentioned STBXH's heavy drinking and how he would sometimes come to work either drunk, or still drunk from the night before. And how his uncle was also very similar to STBXH in his drinking, and show she felt sorry for his uncle's wife.
She also said that I was a completely different person to the one that she had met 5 or 6 years ago. I had seemed very quiet and reserved, but now I was smiling, confident and my eyes were sparkling.
I've been going to the gym and running outside as well, in the little towns and villages I've been working in. I'd like to get comfortable with the distance I'm running at the moment and then up it a bit. I'm starting to toy with the idea of entering a race in the spring, for the distance I'm running at the moment. I would like it to be a comfortable and very positive experience. By comfortable I mean that I get to race day in good shape and knowing I can do it **well**
