I know what you mean about the escalation of the A but again we need to understand (and this is where early in my situation I suffered) we can’t control someone else!
I continue to get stuck thinking about how I can affect the outcome of their A but in reality there’s nothing I can do, the mindset here for me is that I need to realise it’s over and move along with my life because it’s definitely over for her – for the time being…
Doing the detachment allows for us to gain our normality back and start being productive again, it allows us to get away from their chaos because although it would seem there life is one big party it rarely is!
This site would suggest NC and detachment and I TOTALLY AGREE with that statement BUT have issues with the counter-productive nature of that stance. I understand the benefits for our own health but I feel it’s detrimental to RC the MR, I see it slightly different and in fact look at smart contact SC and LD as I call it loving detachment (I say this whilst putting my crash helmet on).
The “falling in love aspect” you talk about is very real, please accept they are in love BUT a short term type not one based on commitment with real history behind it! It’s more driven by excitement and lust rather than companionship, trust and safety. The good news is it can’t go on forever…
IF you want my version on NC and loving detachment please let me know and I’ll prepare the aspirin and helmet again (lots of cracks in it) in advance and talk you through it.
M.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
