25yearsMLC 10 Later I FILE D part 7

[25yearsmlc]

When you are IN IT, it's hard to see the forest for the trees. Somehow my self protection mode is on right now, and as you say, I'm trying hard to stay focused on the finish line.

Truer words have never been spoken. I find myself reading other's journeys and I am like," Oh I know what I would do!" when in reality I am making the same errors and expecting different outcomes. But when there is so much emotion at play we don't work strategically.

Amen.

In fact - this just happened. - I'm walking my great dog on a well deserved walk to a park.

Then I get a text from H that he's "been reaching out to brother, and brother has been very helpful."

Okay no big deal, not a big move.

EXCEPT I was walking outdoors -a gorgeous day - and I got so nervous and sick feeling and pre-occupied I shortened the dog walk and went home.

WTF is wrong with me??

(Not to mention how bummed out my dog is).

It was a text. I found myself wondering what it meant. Did h want to circumvent my brother and deal directly with me? Why? Because he'd be better able to control the outcome?

But he deeply fears confrontation so that cannot be it. Or he wants things to be more amicable, (me too).

I realized this^^ was nutty and fruitless.

No I did not text back. Then I found myself thinking "that's rude of me".

RUDE OF ME!!???

So then I did a quick review of the past year.

Nope, Not the whole marriage and not my role, or what I wish I had done differently, or even an objective marital review.

JUST the past 14 months, his not flying out when I was in the ICU, then the lies of omission about where he was and with whom, and worse, the hiding marital assets and then, my personal fav - his posting on Facebook about his finding the "love of his life."

Oh yeah...Okay, ^^^that was a cold splash of reality water

yes, it worked. I snapped myself out of it.

PsySara, it is brutal to do this ^^ when we are on the road to detahcment.

But in the long run this saves us so much pain and so much time.