Rebuilding my life #2

[lcause]

Spent the weekend with an old friend, we were fishing pretty much non-stop at the sea. Sauna&beer&swimming in very cold water. Life hasn't felt as good in ages. Boy was I tired last night. Going to repeat that in few weeks but next time I get to see his wife and kids too

My XW got hospitalized for the weekend apparently. I said I was sorry and asked if she's fine. She shared quite a bit about her issues which seemed odd to me but I told I wish her well and hopefully it gets better soon. Not a life threatening condition thankfully.

I've spent a bit of my time reflecting back and I have no clue whether I should try to DB anymore or not. Do I have hope? Is everything really lost? Would a new R with her be better? Will their R with OM be better than ours was? How could I even compete against the OM? Will I ever find anyone else? Could her mind change since she was so adamant in continuing her life without me? Could I ever get over these mental pictures I have if I think about it? Is there really a purpose for saving this marriage? Why am I so lost and WHY I can't seem to find any CONCLUSION for these questions? And why am I so keen on KNOWING the answers - at all? I've come to terms with my past mistakes though and I'm not going to be dwelling on them anymore. That has no purpose.

Overall I'm just feeling rather good about myself now, thinking about her less and less. I know for a fact that I'm going to be a better partner in my next relationship. Things that I took previously for granted are not going to be taken for granted anymore, lol! I feel like a new man - I'm so much more emotionally open, e.g. I hug my D much more now too and that comes without any thought or "forcing/remembering to hug her". Something just has changed in my automatic thinking. I just do it and she seems to like it when daddy hugs. My relationship with her has changed by leaps and bounds since BD. I also noticed that I spend less time at PC, even when I'm alone. When I'm home I pretty much prefer reading books rather than spending time at PC. I also cleaned up the apartment at Friday and actually felt good about it, wat? Listening to music while doing dishes or cleaning up really motivates me.

Now I know my life will be good. I feel like a new man on so many levels. My friend was constantly joking around that he could take some photos of me and make a profile for me in Tinder. Lol. Even though he was joking, he seemed a bit off when I told him I think I'm not ready yet. I'm not.

Hopefully all of you had a great weekend!