All the emotions you are going through are perfectly ok, you are grieving the end of your marriage the way you thought it was or could have be. Your anger/rage is justified 100%, don't hold it inside yourself, find a safe way to let it find its way outside, go for a power walk, kickboxing, yoga (great to find inside peace), aerobic, tennis (I imagined his face and her face on the balls... Had a great summer league, lol), swim ... find your own way, it might be something else.
It's tough to raise young kids by yourself, but I promise you, it will get better, your kids will grow and will do things by themselves and will help you. You will develop an incredible bond with them. Look around, most probably you have friends who are ready to help you if you ask them. Gal doesn't necessarily mean to go out every week end, you can have your friends coming over and have a Pot luck and do the clean up after with you or they can watch your kids while you do thinks uninterrupted in the house.
Big hugs
Me 52+ WH 57+ Married 20 + Piecing since 2016 (ready to give up...)
