Respectfully, saving a marriage at all costs is IMO, a fools errand. I agree that focusing solely on the OM shouldn't be GW's primary focus but I still see nothing wrong with outing him. That would be OM's life experience and a consequence of his actions. But obviously that's up to GW if he decides whether it's worth it or not.
Insofar as saving the marriage, it sounds as if it is incumbent on him to win her back. That her decision to cheat is somehow all on him and he must move heaven and earth to fix this. He is not the one who killed the marriage. He did not break his vows, she did. She should be doing everything in her power to prove to him that she wants this marriage. GW certainly has a role in fixing his role in the marriage; what's her role? At this point, whether he wants to save it is meaningless if she is not interested. I am certainly not saying GW was an angel in the marriage but he did not force her to cheat. His wife could have divorced him, she could have talked to him, she could have left. She did none of those things. Unless agreed to beforehand, there is no acceptable reason to step outside your marriage. She did not GW
