Hey Leah,
I'm kinda muddling along too. I've filed for D and am living the hell that is in house separation. In the meantime let me give a little advice from my Shrink-self. I am not a big fan of Xanax, it is notorious for causing rebound anxiety and has an extremely short half-life. Primary care docs prescribe it like candy and it's not even the best Benzo to use. I had a friend prescribe me Remeron (Mirtazpine) and broke the 15mg tablet in half, making it 7.5 mg. I slept like a baby, it's not controlled, and it has the bizarre side effect of stopping nightmares. It's a tetracyclic antidepressant, no habit forming, no withdrawals. Most common side effect is sedation and increased appetite.

Ok, returning back to just a board participant and taking off my doc hat.

M 10yrs T 13yrs
BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW
BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off
Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce
April '17-Letting go
2018 D busted
DD8, DS6, DS3