So let me get this straight. you think the OM is more or less blameless and deserves no consequences for his actions and you are partially to blame for your wife cheating? The OM was and still is, involved with a married woman. I suppose it would be one thing if he had no idea she was married but that wasn't the case. So turning him in would not have been about revenge, it would have illustrated to him that there are consequences for his actions. By you not giving him any, gives him more incentive to do this sort of this to another family. How is that right?
As for your wife, true you owned your share of issues in the marriage but it's all on her for cheating. If she was so unhappy, she could have done other things than engage in an affair. It seems like you are so desperate to save your marriage you are willing to overlook that. She is the one that cheated and she should be doing everything in her power to save the marriage. Certainly doesn't sound like it.
I wish you the best of luck but I daresay you will be back in a short period of time after she finally dumps you and rides off into the sunset with the OM
