MLC or WAS... either way, I'm here

[Coly23]

Hey LAJar, I just got caught up on your thread.

I see so many similarities with our sitches. My D is not my H's biological Dad either and I kept my name after marrying H so it could be the same as D's. During our married life we kept a lot of things separate like bank accounts etc and I always wonder if this has made it easier for him to leave. Although my xH supports D financially she has not seen him since she was six so H is the only Dad she knows. I know she really misses him but she is still very angry and refuses to see him.

I also pay the mortgage on my own although I earn much less than H but I don't want to sell the house. I was so worried all the time, like there is the sword of Damocles hanging over me with what he will decide next year when our mortgage comes up for renewal. However the other day something just clicked and I thought why should it be up to him! So I have made some decisions for myself so when the time comes I will be in control of my life and not just wait for him to make a decision for me.

I am sorry you found out that H has retained a lawyer. Again I wonder if this is retaliation from finding out you have sought advice? It all seems very petty from his side. It's also amazing that he can throw the baby out with the bath water and do everything so quickly for someone he hasn't known for that long! A,though we don't know for sure if this A will ,art it does seem line he is going at a hundred miles an hour so at some point he will slow down and have to face all the things that have happened.

My H has said nothing about getting a D except at the beginning of the sitch when I told him if I was that bad a wife then why doesn't he go ahead and D me and he said I should do it because he has been terrible and abandoned me! They are so lazy it's amazing! I agree dont help your H to do anything about D. Let him to all the legwork.

LAJar, as I said on my thread, I did not realise I would still be hear nearly 17 months later but here I am! I haven't seen or heard my H's voice since the last week of June but I know if I asked him over for lunch tomorrow he would be here in a shot, that's the strange thing!

I'm not sure where to go from here but as all the others have said we just have to keep continuing with our lives and making those changes which we think might help us to better understand ourselves. I too was very controlling in my marriage but I recently made the connection with my childhood and never knowing if my parents would have a good day or bad day and end up fighting. i spent my childhood living on my nerves so no wonder I need to be in control of my life! But I realise that it spilled over into everything else and my H actually said once that I need to control everything and that was like a lightbulb!

Just take one day at a time LAJar. We are all her to listen and support you. (((LaJar))).