Lost on how to save my marriage! 3

[sandi2]

I've been catching up on your thread, and I'm so glad 25 has the military background.....as well as just being so knowledgeable about relationships.....to relate. I am surprised the military does not have some type of M support groups that addresses these issues.

I relate to your W having to be the bad guy with the kids, b/c daddy won't discipline them. I held a lot of resentment about it, and felt I was probably harder on them b/c I had no support. Plus, I was never the type who told the kids, "Wait until your father gets home", and it's a good thing I didn't wait on him.

Now that you are developing a stronger relationship with your boys, you can begin to help with some of the disciplining, too. You may consider choosing a good time where you can express appreciation for the job she's done. She should realize you are validating her, instead of taking over her job.

You may a good move by talking to your FIL. Did you apologize to your W, also? I learned too late to never do anything to embarrass, degrade or humiliate my spouse in front of his relatives....or mine. In fact, just don't do it in front of anyone, and you'll be much better off. Once it's out there in front of others, it can't be undone. And guess who comes off looking really bad.

You are in a period where you are gathering a lot of new information. You may not be able to apply everythingyou learn at one time, due to the fact of your timetable and your WW's timetable are out of sorts. However, there's still some things, just as we are talking about here. There are some other things you'd like to do but the timing isn't ready....but keep learning with the intentions of applying it when the time is right. I hope that makes sense.

I have seen H's pick up some new point or a neat phrase on the board.....some word catch or thought that was given to him for him...not his WW. But the H would repeat the phrase or point to his W....thinking it would impress her or give something to think about, and not get the response he wanted. It's b/c they were not meant for her. Just wanted to throw this caution your way while I was thinking about it. And btw, I am not referring to when the board gives you an example of how to word something specific to say to your W. Hope this isn't confusing you.