Finding my way out of the dark - Part 4

[Holding]

Thanks for the responses Maika, JoeJoe, and AS!

Maika, I have no intention of settling into a permanent friend zone. I can see how this could be useful to diffuse volatile sitches in the short term though, or possibly law low for a while.

JoeJoe, I think I'm starting to understand you on this. Me smiling is the first step in making MYSELF happy. It's not primarily for her - it's for me. It's part of detaching. I AM looking to totally break all emotional bond with STBXW, and I have been letting her steal my joy and happiness. I need to take it back.

AS, it's funny about the sex. As I first read DR, I made ML one of my long term goals with STBXW. I was determined to woo her back and was hyper-focused on it. But now I can see how it would be totally awkward and unappealing. I'm not gonna lie - the angry part of me still hopes she tries to throw that at me, just so I can reject it.

I actually went back and re-read my post where STBXW was talking about her confusion. When we talked, I guess I focused on the confusion, but the real message I think STBXW was sending me was friendship. Looking at it through that lens makes more sense. I guess I don't want to see her as totally evil. Hmmm... maybe I'm still in the bargaining stage after all.

You know what? I shouldn't be wasting my time trying to mind read. I know better. Time to not care what she thinks.