Haven't posted here in a while. We are still going forward. The MC has ended as she said the couple session might actually reopen things and she wants to focus on our IC. It is not perfect but I feel we have arrived at the piecing part. OM is pretty much out of the picture. A few weeks ago W and I went for a quick trip to relax (ironically week prior to Irma) and W was said and said OM basically said he didn't want to be W's friend and that since W chose me that there is no future. I couldn't resist a smile because while W said he was a good guy I noticed several problematic elements in how he interacted with her.
W is leaving Sunday for another interview (she didn't get the other job). Nor did I become chair.
Our biggest challenge is communication but W actually approaches this positively and expresses fondness when I say what is bothering me.
She has a lot of things to work on for herself so that delays her fully recommitting to me but she has said she wants it to be special and said that she purposefully took her rings with her when we evacuated.
Trying to also get my life more structured in terms of work. I have always been focused on 'rescuing' her and so everything I did was centered around her. I also say yes to too many things so I am trying to use the time she uses to work on herself (and become more independent) for me to get things going.
This community was a major source of help for me in the early phases and I continue to value its role and hope to get back to posting regularly but as you can see from my posts throughout the months I devoted a lot of attention on getting back on track in terms of MR.
While I followed my gut I do think for anyone new to this situation that the DR approach is highly effective. It's key though to fully reflect on your entire situation as everyone has a slightly different situation. Maybe I am stubborn and arrogant in saying that but look at where I am at.
If a D follows I don't feel like a failure and know that I have given it a real shot. My W seems to be giving it a real shot. Just yesterday she mentioned how she started a relationship with someone else and before she said it was just sex...she was in denial but rather than be confrontational I followed my gut. I wasn't a doormat either.
What is interesting is that I have come to realize that her cheating really does hurt me more than I assumed early on. I think my focus was on sticking to DR and getting back on track. Now that W is giving it a real shot I notice that I have become very sensitive to any sign that I detect of her wanting to go for the door again. MC has told me in IC that this is because of trust and how the challenge is that W really felt controlled and needs to become more independent.
This has been and continues to be the hardest thing I have ever done. But while I hate the way it happens it did make me aware of my own short comings and flaws.
