Good morning DB-land. Some random thoughts Ive been having that I just want to get down on paper to give them life.
In case anybody doesnt know anything about me, I am divorced. Ive been separated/divorced a few years now. Im dating again and have been seeing an amazing lady for about 2 years. She lives with me and my kids when I have them.
I still have many moments where I ponder the end days of my marriage. The few months of time leading up to BD through to when we separated and the time after that. I wouldnt say Im living with the regrets anymore that I used to feel. The feelings of "what if I had done X or Y instead of P or Q? Would that have mattered?" Frankly, I dont care much about that anymore. I know where I made mistakes, I know why I made them, and Im working to not repeat them. Im excited for the path Im on and Im not stuck in a loop wishing I could go back.
The one feeling I AM struggling with now is that thought of self-value. Cognitively, I know that the reasons my ex didnt want to work together to repair the relationship were hers. They werent about me, or who I was. But it still hurts knowing that my best wasnt good enough. And that feeling clouds my future judgments. Will I be good enough next time? How can I prevent going through the pain again? Am I doomed to repeat the same loops? I know what I can and cant control. And to put the faith in someone else is the only way to have a good relationship. It's just a difficult process to let go of those fears.
