How do I get things right?

[Lovelyp]

I agree with some of the issues raised but I can understand why he listed some. The other issues came up because he was so angry abt the A and was trying to paint a very negative picture of me to the therapist. I disagree about honesty, that I have pride, don't take marriage seriously and that I don't put boundaries with men.

Abt not having boundaries with friends
Before we got married I had close male friends and never discussed anything abt my R or personal stuff. In fact I don't discuss marriage or relationship problems with friends because some may be jealous and give bad advice or subjective advice. I gave up all friends of the opposite sex when we got married. I just stopped contact slowly and when they contacted me I would openly respond to them. Among my close friends there is one who had talked about having feelings for me but he respected my relationship with my H (we were still dating then). I minimized contact with him even though we had been friends for 3 years and were close. It was so difficult to give up that friendship but I had to do it for the sake of my marriage. I was not pressured by H. In marriage I never had any male friends.

Having pride and not taking marriage seriously
Over the years I would assess myself and try to change to be a better wife. I would buy books and I changed a lot. I was the only one trying to improve the M and would be the one who initiate conversation after a fight. I would humble myself and apologies even he is wrong. I got fed up because my needs are not met and he would tell me he can do better and I would tell him if he wants a D it's ok. So that he interpreted as not taking M seriously

Neglecting household duties
From the day we married I never used to do much but over the years I have tried to improve. I have a problem of extreme fatigue and during non work days I am extremely tired. I struggled to wake up and even when I had the baby he was the one who would wake up and take care of the baby. He would always encourage me not to bother abt it. On weekends he is the one who works up to make food and I sleep in and hr happily does that. Him mentioning it on MC was out of anger only. I do other duties like laundry, ironing, cooking (sometimes he helps too).
Now I make an effort to clean more but I am not coping but I try my best and he is supportive.

I allow him to lead. He says though he feels this is a challenge for me and it will take a bit of time.

He still complains abt disrespect but I try to respect him. He says when we argue I don't talk to him like he is the H. I belittle him through words I say. Now I don't argue or nag. I avoid any arguments and when he talks I validate and listen more

I am doing 180 and it's helping a lot. So far we communicate well and I respect his feelings and he does too. Some days he has so much resentment and I give space. When he has thoughts of the A he struggles and I don't know how to help him feel better. He doesn't tell me but I can tell because he gets too quiet and withdrawn. We sleep on same bed. How can I help on days like these?