Picking up her mess...

[marina7]

Journaling,

Thank you Anotherstander for your response and answering some questions I had in my head. I have to say I would have never thought my marriage would have ended like this. I mean my W was an amazing W and mother I remember a time she cried because W and I seen pictures of how our kids where living before rescuing them then adopting W said how can a Mother hurt her children's or abandon them this was 5yrs ago and to see how her behavior is now is heartbreaking. I remember W baking minions cookies with kids and always being attentive to them. Now she goes weeks not even seeing them. I guess I would never get the answers.

Tread, Thank you it's been hard 7 months almost and I sometimes give up. Yes I believe is all self-esteem, W always complained about weight and her boob but I always made her feel beautiful I still remember W telling me how I always made her feel beautiful.

And yes OW is a down grade from physically to financially. I don't drink or smoke OW does and not to bliw air up my Ass but I always been an attractive women. When W and I went out her own friends would always let W know how attractive and gorgeous I am. Now that I think about it W hated it, it just amazes how they replace us like nothing. It's mind blowing.

Smh.....


So W and I don't text or call at all. Only on Friday afternoon for kids of drop off time. But today W called like 3 times finally I answer and W yelled and curse saying they about to cancel her phones because she owes around 700 in cell phone bill. I let her scream and her tantrum then I replied Am sorry you are angry but I no longer have access to your account I took my # over 3 months ago. W paused and said Ok I'll call you back.

This is what I don't get why is W such a angry person I feel W finds anything to just be an angry person. It hurts when I think am healing W has a way to ruin it. Been feeling amazing and positive and she just ruin it. W has not called and she won't and I know tomorrow she'll be apologizing because it has became a pattern.

But besides that Kids are amazing D9 playing clarinet in a band. S8 has been quiet lately I been worry because he is a child that loves to dance and sing. I feel that once I get S9 I'll be taking a 2 day vacation with them. They have had amazing through this process.

I been GAL getting better from surgery doing my PT and have a friend that has kept me smiling lately. She makes sure kids and I ok she been in my life and kids but lately we been texting and talking alot. The good thing she knows everything I been through, she knows I love my wife but just like everyone says. W doesn't deserve me or kids. Am still feeling like am not sure I could ever forgive W. It's been so much damage am not sure there's hope. Especially the actions towards kid's. Our WAW don't realize the damage they do. Especially my WAW she was in the beginning very very verbal abusive from she wish I would have died to she never wanted these dam kids to I ruin W life. I just replay this over and over.

Am not sure how people can live with WAW because living with mines was hell am so glad now W left I moved to smaller home. Am so glad.

Calling all Cadets,

Holidays are coming up this is our first year. How do we Newcomers over come this I believe this is what I been of affraid of. After 10yrs how do I and kids get through this.