So things are just trudging along. And I'm ok with that. I have dropped the arguiing. I just look at my life right now and see the simple happy things. Like my puppy can sleep in my bed (H wouldn't allow that) and if I choose to not put away the laundry I don't have. Or I can stay up until late reading a book. Besides the argument Friday over H not cancelling his weekend plans and not taking D to her dance, things have been calm. He usually keeps his space from me. But today he was leaning over my shoulder looking at something and he was very, very close and it was like old times. I just wanted to sink back into him. But that would have scared him off. So I just remained relaxed and didn't say anything but kept up the convo about the article we were looking at. He did tell me Friday that he believed I never desired him. And that there is no use in pretending I do. And I said I was sorry that he thought that way. But I have always desired him and loved him.he is very insecure and that belief of his frustrated me. He thinks I don't want him because our sex life was lacking. Unfortunately his constant arguments in the past and anger blocked me from loving him the way he wanted. But he of course refuses to see any of his fault in this. No I didn't bring that up with him. I'm just bringing it up here. I simply validated and said that I was sorry he felt that way but I have always loved him. Not too sure how I go about showing him I love him when I am not supposed to show him love lol. So for now I just hold steady the course and be happy. Which I actually am getting to a place that I am happy. And no arguiing. Here is where i usually get impatient. I see the subtle changes and then I get frustrated and start getting insecure and start fighting. So I'm going to change that not do that.
