Sorry you're going through this misery East! Sounds like you're handling it well though!
Originally Posted By: EastTN
so she proposes that I could get her for four hours on a Friday and she'll get her for four hours on Sunday every weekend I have her.
Yeah that's just cray-cray. You'd spend all your time driving around, picking up and dropping off.
Quote:
At the same time, I'm sympathetic to her going two weeks without seeing D.
It is indeed, but then you DO allow her to see D any weeknight as well with proper notice so I'd say you're being more than fair on that.
Quote:
I've been told by three people now (all of them related to XW in some way and not me) that XMIL takes care of D while she's with XW, and not XW. So why am I worried about this? The judge DID tell us to be flexible but he didn't tell me to be a doormat.
What she does with D on her time is her business unfortunately (barring abuse or neglect). That's part of divorce is you each go your separate ways and your lives are your own. If she's dumping D on the in-laws then that's totally within her rights. That is not you being a doormat, it's out of your control.
Quote:
I asked her to put it in text, so all three of us can be on the same page. Her response was, "too many rules with you. So, what, I can't have her now?" I said of course she could have her, and the drama starts. "That's fine, I won't get her" stuff like that.
Your request was completely reasonable. If she wants to get all passive/aggressive then that's her problem, not yours. XW and I have been doing this for over 5 years and it can get confusing sometimes. We both agreed early on to communicate via text whenever something is changing from the norm, so that we both have a written reference to look back at as a reminder. It's easier now that the two D's are grown up and moved out as we're only coordinating on S now. But when it was all 3 kids, it was quite the juggling act. Eventually you and your XW will get into a routine and it will get much easier, but early on you're probably going to have to remind your W several times what the agreement is and why she needs to stick to it.
Dealing with a high conflict XW like yours has got to be a huge headache, my heart goes out to you! Going through all of this is bad enough without that extra aggravation.
