Thanks G...I apprecaite it! It's good to hear that it is a positive sign.
My D is home sick again and I am doing some reading while working from home . In the book I am reading it talks about the following, hopefully you all will find it useful.
When men realize their marriage is bleeding out, they must slow down so you can find the real source of the bleeding. Panicking and thrashing about will normally lead to certain death. Triage is vitally important. Most guys want to work on everything...all at once. What I realized is there is no miracle cure. There is nothing you can do to help. The best thing you can do at the moment is stop the bleeding and to stop doing the things that will increase the bleeding. Guys are doers, we fix stuff, that doesn't work in the emergency room marriage.
If you want to have any chance of saving your patient (MR) stop doing these things immediately:
1. Angry outbursts, yelling, screaming, punching holes, etc. 2. Questions, questions and more questions. Heated Interrogation. 3. Any sentence that starts with who, what, where, why, when or how. 4. Deep, heavy, long conversations until your eyes bleed. 5. Accusations, blaming, finger pointing and complaining. 6. Ten paragraph text messages and emails. 7. Having emotional conversation in text messages. 8. Pinging her with text messages every 30 min. 9. Scouring FB, Instagram, etc. every 5 mins. 10. Snooping, spying and interviewing family and friends 11. Pressuring, pushing, demanding, controlling and or dominating the situation. 12. Being nice, super nice, overly nice or sickening nice. 13. Buying gifts, special dates, vacations or even new cars 14. Incessant cleaning and toiling over housework. 15. Crying 16. Talking or complaining about it to your kids.
Start with those first and the bleeding will slow down. The more you stop to fix it the better chance she may be able to hit the reset button. Patience at this time is excrutiating, and there is no guarantees. Stay calm, breathe, get a grip and stay focused.
The best thing you can give yourself at this time is calm confidence. You don't need to do anything physically you just need to be unshaken, cool-headed and compassionate. Be focused on how you think and realize this is not all your fault. Her downward spiral must not suck you down with it. You can't help yourself or anyone else if you go down there. Realize you have a higher purpose right now. Don't loose your $hit, you owe it your family and yourself to stay clear-headed and strong. This is not all about you and you can;t allow it to crush your soul.
Is part of this about you? "Yes", no doubt and this is the time when men can use this to spark a major mojo transformation! Don't feel personally attacked. Understand the real reason why this happened. If you can understand then it makes it possible for you to have empathy for some of the confusion and pain she is going through. If you can muster true empathy, you can stop doing the destructive things I mentioned above and start feeling your own clear, calm, confident strength within.
From my experience, this is often the only thing she really needs from you at this moment.
. In the book I am reading it talks about the following, hopefully you all will find it useful.