Sky,
I've literally given up any hope he will change. With each passing day I feel my rage and disgust towards him building. This has been an enlightening 2 years. I am finding myself relieved when WH is not in my company and seething when he is simply "here" but not engaged with the family.

KML,
So far I've been cool and matter-of-fact. I keep my rage carefully sequestered in my head and remember what the end-goal is here, getting a good life for my children. I would probably laugh in his face if he accused me of having an affair and might even fuel the fire. I would not deny but rather question why he even cares? After all, he's made is crystal clear that he was NEVER happy in our marriage, that I am a nasty harpy who brow beat him daily.(insert sarcastic expression and violins playing sadly)

Lovely,
Exactly. He has made his search for pleasure and "happiness" completely on external factors. While some describe their spouses jumping into a MLC I feel WH has kind of always been kindling one.

Ginger,
Since I've already sunk 4K into the D process I think it safe to say he would have to do something HUGE and consistent for me to let go of the trigger. Right now my finger is firmly on the trigger and as soon as I complete the financial part it will be pulled.

So just some journaling. Yesterday I came home to WH helping DD with her homework, very out of the ordinary. She asked to go swimming and he said he would take her after her homework. Later DS4 came and asked to go swimming too, he said WH told "Maybe, we'll see." I figured he would hide out in his office or something until the kids were bathed and put to bed. You can imagine my surprise when WH comes out in his bathing suit (kids were watching iPad with headphones on so did not see or hear him) and says he's going swimming alone. I spoke quietly and asked him about his promise to take them out. He kind of mumbled that they didn't seem to care and he went out without them. Shortly thereafter DD looked up and saw WH swimming outside. She was very upset so I dressed the kids in bathing suits and took them out as well.

Kids swam for about an hour and then I brought them in for showers. WH bathed them and handed them off to me to dry and dress. (he was already in the shower) I am just gobsmacked that he is so unbelievably selfish and immature. Who promises to take their kids swimming and then goes alone?? Today WH was very late getting home. I calmly asked him to communicate when he was planning to come home late so I could plan accordingly. (there are days I go to the hair parlor and need to know when he will be home on time to relieve the nanny, else wise I need to be home on time.) He snapped "I am always late on my first day back to work, also on call some days! You just need to accept that." I just lifted an eyebrow and walked away.

I harnessed my anger and went to the dining room table and started chipping away at the financial stuff. I casually asked him about the car insurance amounts as well as the cell phone. He asked if I was doing the D paperwork and I said yes. He just nodded and said he would get that info. Other than that nothing to report, just living in this weird limbo and taking it day by day.

The sadness still catches me off guard and I have to actively work to focus on my tasks at hand. I wish this wasn't my life.


M 10yrs T 13yrs
BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW
BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off
Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce
April '17-Letting go
2018 D busted
DD8, DS6, DS3