Originally Posted By: chris19 What would you suggest my response be if W asks, why I have not been trying or putting effort in saving the M.
Basically...I was not going to be in an open relationship where my W was disrespecting me?... is that too harsh. This conversation can go two ways; and I just want to get some advice if she starts asking me questions.
I would just say "W, I know what I really need to work on is myself, not the M. So that's where I'm placing my focus. I know that you don't want the M anymore, and I am respecting your wishes and not applying any pressure to you on that."
Yes; that was more if she would ask why I was not trying. Sandi expressed I should say something like; "unless something has changed since our last conversation (with the OM) I'm not sure what there is to talk about."
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
I am trying to re-read through your nice-guy WW threads to figure out exactly how to handle that part of the R. I know I want to not be disrespected by an open R, and will not tolerate it...But I am trying to find more readings on this.
Have you read the threads about the wayward wife and what to expect from her? If not, you may want to look through them before reading about the nice guy.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
See how impatient she is, b/c you didnt jump when she snaqpped her fingers? It tells me some things about her. She is use to getting her way, and now she feels entitled.
My advice is to text her back one time. Tell her if nothing has changed since the last discussion, you have nothing more to say.
If you want to add icing.......tell her to go forward however she thinks is best, and you'll do the same. Then turn off your phone b/c she's going to pitch a tantrum. She going to accuse you of wanting a D. Whatever.......that doesn't mean she's going to run down and file.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
So this was the text convo with W for the part hour after her texts from above.
Me: it has been a while; and i see why you would not understand where my head is at. I am talking about (Mr.X) the OM; I am not interested in being disrespected in a relationship if another man is still involved.
Me: I know what I really need is to work on is myself. So that is where I'm place my focus. I know that you dont want the M anymore due to the S and wanting a D, and telling your family it is what you wanted. So I am respecting your wishes and not applying any pressure on you.
W: that's cowardly and an easy way out. Im still fighting for this clearly if I am continually reaching out and you're doing nothing. If you want something you work on it and fight for it and make an effort and I may have made mistakes in the last couple of months but I've never stopped communicating to you and I've never stopped trying to make an effort now and then and I feel nothing from you anymore.
W: I've tried to ask to talk to you and I've tried to see you and I just get shut down. You're doing exactly what I've been bitching about for almost two years. When I want more from you and effort. You back away and show no effort. Maybe I've been disrespectful and immature at times over the last few wees but at least I'm trying and showing you emotion and trying to communicate.
W: You've done none of that and I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry if any of this is coming off wrong but I'm just really at a loss for words on all this. I just don't understand if you want something how you can just let it go so easily. It's been hurtful and hard for me to understand and makes me mad and I'm doing anything to try to get emotion out of you. I guess I don't have anything left to say now too. Wish we could have talked in person. Have a good night.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
There is nothing to respond to. You already told her your boundary - there is nothing to discuss as long as she has a relationship with OM. If you felt absolutely compelled to respond, I would just write that. Short and sweet. But you have already told her that and so I don't see the need to repeat yourself.
