Holding, sounds like you did an excellent job of listening and validating! Nice work! I totally agree with Acc, that was nothing more than a temperature check on her part. She was hoping you'd pour out your heart to her so she could check the "Plan B still in place" box next to your name and go back to her game plan. Good job in not falling into the trap (except for that last "you're wrong" comment, would have been better to leave her hanging there). That's not to say she was lying, I think she is being genuine about being confused and such. But don't assume she wants to recon, that's still quite a ways off.
So what do you take away from this? What you're doing is working. The fact that she's temp checking you means she's no longer sure she's got you on the hook. That's exactly what you want her to think. She needs to learn to miss you.
I also agree with Acc on the trust issue, she's projecting her own lack of trustworthiness onto you. The most paranoid people I've seen in my life are cheaters. One thing nearly all of them have in common is they think their spouse/GF is cheating on THEM (ironic, isn't it). I knew a woman that was so loyal to her H that she put the blinders on about his very blatant and obvious affair. He became so paranoid that SHE was having an A that he insisted that she get tested for STDs and show him the printout! Of course he did not offer to do the same! By the way she did do it, that was one of those moments that I quite literally face-palmed myself, LOL! I'm not saying your W is cheating, just that deceptive people are paranoid that everyone is deceptive to them in the same way that cheaters are paranoid about cheating.
