I'm keeping any thought of recon. completely off my radar. I don't want to hold on to the slightest glimmer of hope, because it will just hold me back from moving forward. SO is non her path and I need to start down mine, and they aren't going in the same direction
I understand. It's different for different people, some need to hang onto hope to give them reasons to keep moving forward while others feel more comfortable completely letting go of all hope. So do what you need to do for you. Personally I don't think there's ever reason to give up hope, I've seen marriages restored from absolutely impossible situations.
