I actually read through all this over the past couple days but was trying to think "What would Cali do" and I am not so sure I would have done anything different, nor have any feelings than what you have expressed.
First off I personally think you have handled this entire sitch with dignity and class, and continue to do so. I am and always will be a fan of a good ol truth dart, and there is no other way to deliver it than direct and to the point.
My take on all this ... I have said it a few times here and there and the further from BD and all the emotions I once felt I get and the closer to indifference, the lessons I have learned and all the things I have taken from this I firmly believe men and women handle this thing vastly differently, we heal much differently, us guys are in the minority when it comes to this MLC thing so we do go about things a bit differently that may raise an eyebrow or two.
I respect everyone on this board but did not find myself agreeing with the majority, I was more of the ... 'If it stings .. tough' Camp. Not everything has to be sugar coated, it is not your job to feed into her fantasy .. a reality check when required I think is good .. I know I have had similar instances, its not bitter nor holding onto pain its simply a point where enough is enough and I would have said such things to anyone regardless of MLC or not very much like placing a boundary in my opinion.
I, like you, have treated this whole thing similar to a disease, I am very careful to what I personally expose my son to as it would be very easy to spill beans and tell him all, but I protect her from that as I do not want my son resenting his mother for the crisis that took her and destroyed a family .... enough damage has been done so I do provide a bit of a shield there as I see you doing with your girls, a thankless job but long term better for the kids. The danger of this is that resentment bucket can fill up so one must pour that sludge out from time to time which I think you have done.
Personally I am not so sure .. I think partly they had no chance but they did make poor choices and decisions that can not be undone ... who knows if or when they ever exit from the crisis and what will happen thereafter.
