This morning I send her a text saying something like "I wake up thinking of you." A tinny "chasing" to see what happens. And... she didn't answer at all!! It seems that W's previous conversation was a trap.
Yes, we call it temp checks. That's when she will check your emotional temperature to see how much you are still attached to the relationship. As soon as she sees she can yank on the rope and you jump at the chance to be with her......she immediately loses interest. Not that she really was really thinking of going back, but something made her want to check to see if you were "talking" to some chick. Nex time, don't be so quick to answer her nosy questions, and try to be a bit vague. Don't make up stuff, but you can sound a little more mysterious. do you know what I mean?
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This morning I send her a text saying something like "I wake up thinking of you." A tinny "chasing" to see what happens. And... she didn't answer at all!! It seems that W's previous conversation was a trap.
Exactly! Currently, you cannot afford to tiny chases. Although it may have worked before your dating years, it only works against you with a WW. I hope you will remember this throughout this ordeal. No pursuit.......period.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I don't think her moving back in without committing to doing the hard work is a serious sign of recon, but maybe some folks who have been here longer can tell otherwise.
Maika, I agree with your assessment. Without a wholehearted commitment to MR it is dubious that therapy can offer a positive outcome. In fact, her return home with a negative/uncommited attitude might make things far worst than desired.
Thank you for your input.
Is anybody else out there that has experience in this issue/decision making point?
I strongly discourage moving back in together if there has been no significant progress in her making amends, such as showing remorse and taking responsibility for her actions.....instead of blaming the H. If there is no commitment, then there's little chance of success. Piecing is not for the weak!
I think your W needs an entirely different mental attitude toward you before you take her back. She sounds as if she's doing a big favor for you! Do not let her come back under the terms she gave. It should be under your terms, since she walked out. You are just the safety net for her. Don't let her back too easily, or she'll be gone again.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
