She likes things on flowcharts and reference boards, Bedtime routines by the book, with no variances. She likes to "sound" very structured. In reality, shes is as scattered as I am.
Taking the Myers Briggs class was kind of a revelation to me regarding people like that. I am NOT one of those flowchart/ document type of people, I can do that stuff but I am very right-brained and like to "go with the flow" rather than laying everything out on paper. But the class helped me understand that some people are like that because it's their personality type, and we can't sway them to be like us, rather we have to try to meet them halfway (or even more to their side).
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She verbalized it to me, perhaps 3 times in 3 years, and it was short lived. She would immediately go back to her happy go lucky normal routine, and I would think I had to start making some tiny adjustment, which I HAVE.
First, thank you for filling in some of the blanks, it helps a lot to understand your sitch a little better! The more I read the more it makes me think she's going through some kind of MLC thing. It sounds like there wasn't really anything wrong about the R, but she's just looking for reasons to find something wrong. I mean clenching your lips while petting the dogs, really? Why in the world would she think that is even worth mentioning? It reminds me of a comedy sketch I saw once, the comedian said he had to break up with his girlfriend because she was driving him crazy. It was all the breathing, just in and out, all the time, it never stopped
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Partially because She lost her career a few months ago. It was in industry that she absolutely loved. It closed down, so there was no hope of continuing. She missed the people who she worked with and her students. It was a position made for her upbeat personality.
Ahhhh, yes I bet that was a huge contributing factor. Obviously that's not your fault, but a lot of times people look for someone to blame when they're feeling down on life. SO's often make a convenient target.
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With that being said, she is very financially independent, so that brought her down even more. I should have done more financially for her, but I was covering all the bills I was able.
Not necessarily. Remember that as guys we are inherently Mr. Fix-Its, but that is not what our SO's want from us. They want empathy and validation, not fixing.
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Her demeanor towards me, which is usually loving and playful flipped a switch. She hit me with ILYBNILWY, you don't make me happy. I don't feel you could ever make me happy, and I don't want to try".......That was 8 days ago.
Seriously unbelievable. I can't imagine she's going to find the happiness that way that she thinks she will. Crazy.
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I am going as dark as possible to her. I have arranged some dates to get together with old friends and will occupy my time to the best of my ability. Yesterday was hard manual labor. I woke up feeling slightly better, but still numb. I have Counseling sessions starting today, where I hope I will work towards understanding where it all went wrong, and why I couldn't see or hear her cries for emotional support.
Good, you are doing all the right stuff.
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I am also struggling VERY hard that she is immediately moving back in with this previous OM, so hopefully counseling will be able to work me through the trust issues and infidelity issues as well. I feel this woman I loved, has really woun dned me in a bad way with her actions. This is a tough one for me
Of course it is!! Especially given that it seemed like things were going well. Hang in there, you are on the right track and have done a good job of avoiding the usual pitfalls early after BD! You don't know what the future holds. I suspect her fling with OM is going to be short-lived and she's going to realize her unhappiness is because of HERSELF. There may be a recon down the road, you never know.
