I'm sorry you're back here but glad that you want to continue self-reflecting and figuring out your role in things. Right now, however, you're far too raw for that. Take some time to grieve and be kind to yourself and save the self-reflection for when you're in a better state.
As I'm sure you've seen, LBS's go through many phases, one of them is "My ex is mentally ill/depressed/has issues/baggage etc. etc." which places the blame for the relationship breakdown on them.
The other end of that spectrum is the LBS going through the "my ex was a saint and this was all my fault" phase, and right now you seem to be closer to this end.
Everyone in the world is dysfunctional -- everyone. We all have childhood hurts, we've all gone through some form of trauma which has damaged our psyche.
We're drawn to people who "abuse" us in the way that we're used to being abused -- people who make us feel not quite good enough, people who make us work too hard for their approval, etc. etc. We're comfortable with this treatment because it is familiar to us, we know how to cope with it, and therefore we seek it out, even though it is not healthy for us.
That's probably not a solvable problem other than to recognize in yourself why you're drawn to particular personality traits and then try to find someone who is on the milder end of whatever spectrum you're attracted to. i.e. if you like spontaneous, find that, but stop short of reckless.
For now, breathe deep and take time to gather yourself back together. Finish your fence. Everything else can wait.
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
