Wading through v. 2.0

[leahsue]

Hey lady,
WOW! Your H's consistent history re-writing never ceases to amaze me. He should write fiction. You "grew apart", but only one of you moved. It would be so helpful if the wayward partners would feel the need to seek professional guidance during these seasons, whether together with us or not.

I know the legal system gets in no hurry. That's another reason I hesitate to jump into it yet. Yet another lesson (that we didn't ask for....) in patience. Sometimes I just want to scream "Enough new learning, already!" I know you're wise enough to just let it keep churning though. It's the rest of your financial life that's at stake here, so hang tough.

So...... a new fella, huh? I'm curious since you indicate that you two haven't met in person yet, did you join a dating site? Do you have plans to meet soon, to test the waters of attraction? Of course you know what all your "mother hens" on here will say...... take it slow. I think we all become so very protective of one anothers' hearts as we see each other begin to stick our toe into the scary waters of future relationships. That's a testament to the power of these forum friendships though. It's amazing to me, and what a gift to be able to form these friendships online. I feel I know more about some of you people than I do my own close friends. We hear so much these days about the danger and pain that anonymity online can bring, and that's true, but there's a flip side to that, and that is the freedom to find a safe place to bear our souls, and find fellowship and courage in that openness.

All of that to say- you be careful, girlfriend! Baby steps and trust your gut feeling, but still, enjoy the freedom and confidence that any new friendships can bring, after this season of brutal rejection and heartache. We all deserve to feel the warm sun, after the darkest part of the night.

Something interesting just dawned on me as I typed those last words. I have a very special aunt who I am particularly close to. She doesn't live close, and she has NO time boundaries with phone conversations- so we communicate since BD mostly by email. Plus it's been painful for me to do phone calls b/c I get so emotional, so email for me has been best lately. Rather than repeating myself so much, sometimes I'll copy and paste some of my thoughts from this forum into emails to her. Since these last two visits, I shared (probably over-shared) some of my posts with her. She is normally so very supportive of me, and she has a real gift of encouragement. But she has BLASTED me (of course, in a loving, kind way, but still blasted) for some of the things I've said, like "I didn't need to just dump all of my pain at his feet during his visit". She exploded on me- why in the world would you not??? He has trampled all over you, he's not worthy of you, how dare he, blah blah. And I let it hurt my feelings a bit. But I just realized something. She does not have the benefit of the mindset of DB, nor the hours and hours of testimony of how this works, nor has she had relationship rejection in at least the last 40 years. If I had to name the most perfect devotion in a couple, it would be she and my uncle. They have always adored each other, and find it horrifying that a person could betray their life partner. (Well, so do I, for that matter, but it looks a little different when it happens to you, and also when you spend a lot of time on a forum like this, and see the heavy traffic of broken hearts appear daily.) So I realize that we all work from our own perspective, and that is still her reality. The sad thing is, it also reminds me of the long term damage that H has caused in his own relationships, over and above the one with me. They would do their best to welcome him back in, if that time came, but it would never be the same. There's the danger in over-sharing your intimate heartbreak with family. You maybe can forgive and learn to trust again, but I fear oftentimes, family cannot. He has burned several bridges like that with my family and close friends, and that would just be one more strike against any possible reconciliation down the road. They would try, I know, for my sake, but I sense their anger and distaste when his name comes up, even if they don't vocalize it.

Oh well, enough rambling about me. Didn't mean to chase that rabbit here on your thread. Gotta run anyway to head to IC.

You keep doing you. One can see from your early posts to now, how much you've grown in strength and grace, without so much fear of the future. Guard your heart, but not TOO much, because all relationships come with risk. Otherwise they wouldn't be deep enough to bring that great joy that can come from them.

So good to hear from you. If you can't find me in the future, come over to MLC. I really think that's where I belong. I'm certainly not brand new to this any more.