Sara, be very careful, every time he feels he is in a hot spot, he changes for a few days then revert to his old behavior. That's just plain manipulation. Changes take time, weeks, months or even years. Set up boundaries and enforce them. If he is really serious he will accept the boundaries and understand your point of view. Don't bend!
I have to second this. it's a notable cycle, and you always give him the chance, for good reasons of course. But it is clear after so many times it is manipulation and not permanent changes. He does enough to get back in the door, can't do an ounce of the work to stay in, then he cycles.
I had a dream for my family too. I wanted an intact happy home. I think we all did. We can do our part, but it really does take two. What you have and will have may not be in your life plan, but it doesn't have to be miserable. Your life will be great and so will your kids, even if it looked different than you could have ever imagined.
