Limerence and My Situation 4

[Parkema]

Hello All,

Thought I’d post now as my situation seems to be steadying off and all our lives (WW, Me and S10 & S8) seem to be falling into some sort of normality!

DR’ing now is becoming more and more a way of life for me and as time goes by the interaction with WW and I are minimal to say the least. We still share custody of the boys 50:50 and still want to be a part of their lives as much as possible and it’s here where the face-to-face interaction comes in.

With all the A issues now seemingly falling into routine I’m looking at myself and where I fell down in the MR! One thing this forum allows for is journaling without actually journaling and I’ve started to re-cap on my previous posts to see how I’ve changed throughout this journey so far.
As suggested in the DR book I don’t talk to my WW and have had no discussions regarding my “failings” I find it difficult to pinpoint any issues so have decided to take a step back and look at the day-today interactions we used to have and see if anything jumps out.

1. Mr Nice Guy – I can see where for example I basically allowed WW to run the household, my Father died when I was 7 and I was brought up by my two Sisters and Mother. I can see this now where I would allow WW to discipline the boys and basically be the “nasty” parent! She would be in charge of the finances and do all the shopping and needs for the family.
2. I put her on a pedestal – I basically did almost everything for her! We both work full time but I am able to manage myself regarding time and was always home from work before her (can see why now, AP is a co-worker). I would do all the household chores cleaning, cooking, DIY, gardening and looking after the boys you name it! This would also fall into the classification of being a MNG.
3. Cold and distant – I see now that the nagging from my WW was a sign for help but I shied away from conflict (MNG) and this in turn showed her a lack of emotional connection.
4. Intimacy – Although we had S regularly (at least weekly) I didn’t show her those traits more important for a woman! I understand now that it’s not about the S so much but the holding of hands, the cuddling and so on! Not my best subject…
5. Controlling – I suppose I needed to know/understand what we were to be doing down to the minute when we were if you like GAL’ing together, If I felt out of my comfort zone I would basically rebel and not do something which my WW really wanted us to do together.
6. Taking WW for granted – We had issues with S7 at the time where he would not go to his own bed and instead sleep in the marital bed. WW would sort the boys out at bed time whilst I go to my “man-cave”, she would then be left alone each night and just go to bed herself! I would then go to bed and remove S7 now asleep, this as you can imagine had an impact with our R…

Looking at the above points I can see why WW did/continues to do what she has, I was not the best H but don’t condone her actions.

At least this ^^^^^^ gives me something to work on for whatever the next chapter in my life throws at me the question is now how can I show improvement…

Thanks for reading.

Mark.