Thanks Cadence. I'm reading along on the threads that I recognize, but there are so many new people, and once you get behind, it's hard to keep up. I'm not posting, because there's really nothing to say right now. I'm struggling since this last visit, and unless I am busy, I just find myself so very sad.

I've not heard from H except for a couple of texts about bills, etc, and those texts were strictly business, one liners, or one word answers. I don't even know who that man was that spent two different weeks here and acted like my H.

I'm trying to stay as busy as possible, but I'm not sleeping well at all, and can't seem to keep my mind from returning again and again to what might have been. I think I need to see about getting the Xanax refilled. I was doing SO WELL until these weeks of spending time with him, only to have him disappear again. Now I just miss him all over again, like back in January.

I'm SO TIRED of this roller coaster. I'm tempted to just file, but financially, I'm better off not filing yet. Our 13th wedding anniversary is coming up Monday, Oct. 2, and I know I need to plan a day for me, so that I'm not thinking about it. Just can't seem to figure out what to plan yet.

Thanks for checking on me. How are you doing in the day to day?

M-60 H-51
M-14 years
BD 12/26/16
S 1/1/17

"First the pain, then the rising."
Glennon Doyle Melton