And what happened to their former wives, after sadness and grief they became quite happy with their new life, because they didn't have to deal with that constant walking on eggshells
That's me!
I doubt your H was actually that religious - he may have wanted a religious wife because it made him look good, or because he thought you would be subservient. But narcissists hate to do things they don't want to do, and the actual work of being religious was probably boring to him.
Bear his need to "look good" in mind as you negotiate this divorce - you can use it to get cooperation. "I know that you really want our kids to go to college, so how about we both contribute X amount to a college fund?"
Also - unless you think he's dangerous, insist on him taking the kids at least two nights a week. You need time to GAL.
As for him riding by your work - be prepared for him to accuse you of having an affair. They think if they can do it, you could do it. I bet he was spying on you for that purpose.
Take the emotion out of it. The more you chastise him the worse the negotiations will go. Act as if this is a good thing for him "I know you'll be happier this way" and act as if you assume he will be a good father (but protect yourself privately by assuming the opposite),
Btw - I'm with you on the nanny gas situation! I'll never understand how people can treat their childcare providers so poorly!
