My W OM is states away. She flew to the state he was in to visit her sister. She came back and I asked her did she see him she told me no. I belived her. I finally got into her phone. She lied. They did meet up. When there's a will there's a way.
If she isnt making you a priority then you need to DB. EA or PA is still an affair. You don't know what plans they have or making.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
"If she isnt making you a priority then you need to DB. EA or PA is still an affair. You don't know what plans they have or making."
Look at what Joe's saying here ^^^
This is NOT about WW and AP/LO any more this is about you, BUT by doing the DR principles for you it often has a bonus of the WW noticing the changes and potentially re-investing somewhat.
Join us all in the program and get working.
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
Thank you for that breakdown on the Nice Guy Syndrome. Needed that for myself as well. And Thank you for mentioningvhow our WW has literally given the playbook to OM. My W mentioned in a text to her friend when the A A first started how great the sex was. But in the same sentenced mentiones mentiones how she held back from me in the bedroom for 17 years. But upon first meeting OM got as wild as she wanted to get. Like it never occurred to my W that maybe things would have been better between us in the bedroom if she hadn't held back with me. And then told a stranger everything that she wanted.
OM just has to sit back and listen to W talk about her complaints about me. And simply validate over the phone and in text, while doing nothing. Coming off as Mr. So Amazing, yeah that is what she calls him. All this while having the convience of not losing his own family. But W continues to give him the information to her playbook, while admitting to not telling me things that were bothering her.
So I ask myself at times. Would someone who swore at one time they loved you. Honestly give more details to a stranger than their H? Especially one they know is no good, but choose to mess with anyways.
My W mentioned in a text to her friend when the A A first started how great the sex was. But in the same sentenced mentiones mentiones how she held back from me in the bedroom for 17 years.
Quote:
Like it never occurred to my W that maybe things would have been better between us in the bedroom if she hadn't held back with me. And then told a stranger everything that she wanted.
You know this blows my effing mind. I have no indication that my W is in an A, but I fully expect this to happen if it gets there. For years, I had asked her what she wanted in the bedroom and nothing zip. And then suddenly she has new friends and she's talking about how they have threesome's and yada yada yada... I was like, WTF you talking about (in my head) - W would have the dimmest light in the room during sex and never went outside of a very conservative script of what to do in bed.
It's absolutely bananas. If only she had used the space we had together to explore and find out what she wanted or whatever, it could've led to such an improved sex life. Now they wanna go Girls Gone Wild - it's unreal.
It's absolutely bananas. If only she had used the space we had together to explore and find out what she wanted or whatever, it could've led to such an improved sex life. Now they wanna go Girls Gone Wild - it's unreal.
My w told me I was the best sex she has ever had and how lucky of a girl is she......and now she pulls this stunt???? Don't even try to put the puzzle together!
What's up board. So it has been since last Saturday when I saw W for the whole car situation. After that, I maintained NC/Dark with nothing coming in from her end either.
I went to a wedding this past weekend and had a great time with all my friends.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
Weird timing; just received a text from W; "hey, do you want to come over tomrw and talk?"
I actually have plans tomrw; so I am going to respond by saying I am not available tomrw. But how should I proceed after that? Do I need to say anything more?
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
Just say you are not available tomorrow but then give her a day/time/place you can meet. When you do, just listen and validate. Read up on cheat sheet to be prepared.
Weird timing; just received a text from W; "hey, do you want to come over tomrw and talk?"
I actually have plans tomrw; so I am going to respond by saying I am not available tomrw. But how should I proceed after that? Do I need to say anything more?
Just tell her you have plans and suggest a time that does work for you, maybe a few days from now. Something that happens a lot though is a WAW will say she wants to talk, you set a date/ time and she never shows and never mentions it again.
Originally Posted By: Tread
OM just has to sit back and listen to W talk about her complaints about me. And simply validate over the phone and in text, while doing nothing. Coming off as Mr. So Amazing, yeah that is what she calls him. All this while having the convience of not losing his own family.
But see, that is the power of validation. Our W's were not getting the love, attention and validation they craved in the M. So a stranger comes along and knows exactly how to fulfill those needs, and next thing you know we're getting BD'd. There's a lesson to be learned there.
And of course they are going to open up to that person sexually as well. Communication is a very powerful thing, it opens up all kinds of possibilities. We quit communicating with our W's, we give them the same old stale husband and stale sex and stale conversations week after week. At some point to a WAS that is no longer sustainable. So our takeaway from this should be that whether we recon or move on to a new relationship, we need to WORK to overcome our faults. How can we keep that R alive and interesting, and keep communication strong? This is part of the work we must do or we are doomed to get BD'd again some day.
