Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 11, filing for D

[PsySara]

Sky,
It's taken me some time but I've really started to detach. Or maybe apathy has become the more applicable term. I can't really find much love left in me for WH, he's just trampled all over any bond I may have had to him. One thing is for sure, it's like he's suddenly come into focus and I am scraping the barrel to find any reason to even give him a second chance, even if he did all the things I need.

Lovely,
You're right that WH has been unhappy even before the affair but your reasons are inaccurate. WH likes to make big goals and plans but does not have the follow through. While we were getting to know each other he said he always wanted a wife that wore hijab, that was focused on the basic tenets of our religion without being hard core, someone who would work together with him to raise faithful children. And children, he wanted oodles of them. After we married he wanted us to pray together so I did. But after a few months he stopped praying as much and I just continued alone. Children came along and he really dropped the ball. He would practically beg me for babies but then I had extremely difficult pregnancies which were high risk. He in turn mentally checked out leaving me to suffer alone. For example, I had a huge bleed while pregnant with DD and he asked if he could nap before taking me to the ER because he was coming off a call. I was going to drive myself but he knew that would look bad so he took me after all. Friends and family noticed and were appalled, I chalked it up to father-to-be anxiety. I spent the nights awake with the babies, dealt with their day-to-day care and he would have moments of being very connected to them but then return to playing video games for hours on his days off and leaving me to single parent. He's a good playmate but not a consistent father.

Throughout the years he would say how we need to go to the mosque more, get the kids involved more in the Islamic community but then would do...nothing. I would get them all dressed up for our holidays and he would buy them sweets and yummy food but still just haphazardly practice our religion. Over and over again he would have these grand goals of the kids memorizing Quran(known as a hafiz and very respected) of them spending 2 years in strict Islamic school etc., etc., I would maintain a more moderate goal of just teaching them basics. On the surface he would want a very practicing household but he never consistently practice.

I wore hijab before I even met him. He was very focused on the fact that I wore hijab and kind of showed me off to his family and friends. He always bragged that I never drank alcohol (strictly forbidden in Islam) and wasn't "loose" like people expected of a Western woman. My point is this, WH doesn't know what he wants anymore. I removed hijab earlier this year after someone threatened me in the presence of my child and frightened her. I dress very classy and modern, my hair is done professionally and every one at works compliments my appearance. I appear much younger than 40 years (people usually guess me around 28-30) and I am slim and petite. I could have been my WH's fantasy woman but he cheated because he craves novel things. He likes to feel like someone's savior and when that newness wears off he seeks something new-er. Since I have known him he had entertained multiple hobbies, lifestyles and makes BIG plans career wise but never follows through.

I'm not saying he is not smart or ambitious, I am saying he simply never does the necessary things to make his BIG dreams come to fruition. He acts like a teenager still trying to find himself but this...whatever...has been consistent for the 10 years I've known him. I kept assuming he would grow up and mature, stupid me thought he would grow.

So yes, WH was unhappy before the affair but I think he's been unhappy since before we met. I think he wants an idea of being a family man who is this hardcore Muslim but the reality is not as glamorous. Sorry to write a book but this has been something I've been turning over in my head for years now.