I still cant understand the dynamics of her A or how it has lasted with very minimal physical contact.
I thought I had responded to you having problems in understanding or accepting how it works for her. For you, a "real" A has to include physical contact. For her, OM is is filling some emotional needs. It is real to your W, and EA's are difficult to get over b/c of the fantasy ingredient. It is hard to fight a fantasy in one's head.
I've read many times that men place more importance on the physical side on sex, while women place more importance on the emotional side of it. Whether you see it as being a real R, or not.........it is a real problem in you M! You cannot resolve this problem by trying to get her to see things the way you see them. It just leads her into more resentment. She has to be free to make decisions for herself, without verbal or emotional pressure from you.
I suggest you do not try to convince your W of what is not real, and don't try to reason with her. While her brain is flooded with the affair chemicals and she is showing rebellion.....she is not going to be logical.
Scary thought, huh? So, if you can't appeal to her logic or emotionally pressure her......what options do you have? Start living by the detaching guidelines by Peanut. Fill in your calendar every week with GAL activities. Stop watching her so closely and trying to interrupt her actions. Men can't figure women out when we are sane.......so why think you have a chance when we are insane?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
