Rebuilding my life #2

[25yearsmlc]

Haha B Doubt he thinks anything. He probably has a high self-confidence. Went to ex-tempore take my kids out for a while, my XW suggested that I could come there to play with them if I want to. I said taking them out is fine. Then when I took them back and was leaving, she said "so you don't want to come feed S?". I checked the clock (had my running gear on so not really hurry into anywhere) and agreed. Then she started offering me tea/coffee or food.

If I was dating a woman who is still going through her divorce, I wouldn't be really ok with her offering food etc. to her ex-husband or actively asking him to come to the home to even play with the kids.


it's one thing to date someone with an ex and another thing if they are IN the process of divorce. I won't date anyone who has not been legally divorced or separated at least a year (and only then, if the divorce is just dragging on for legal reasons). Why would I want to be a rebound? Yeah , I know the APs are but I'm not one of them.


Maybe that's just her easing it for kids? For me? These things always make me wonder that is she really expecting us to stay closest friends like this... Would be nice to read the WASs minds.

would it? Sometimes I thank God I did not read it...

I wonder what she thinks when I start to date again and bring my new gf to kid exchanges. Lol. Well, that's in the distant future.

As you know, we don't just use a person for the effect they might have on our exw.

I did "Borrow" a guy in high school once, when my recently ex bf was parading around with his new sleazy gf at a party.

It was hilarious (& the "borrowed bf" knew) but yeah, it was high school.


Okay LC, I want to make a few points and hope you will take them in more, rather than rebut them, okay? Just pretend it's an article someone wrote for your consideration...

imo, for all of us including you, there is GRIEF and BEREAVEMENT b/c our m's are probably ending and often, there is OM/OW involved. Rejection hurts us deeply. We won't be the same, though many say they end up in better r's later. That only helps us in the moment, to a point.

Grief/bereavement can add to, or become clinical depression. There is a difference and I think most of us get that.

Whereas grief is a process from which we expect to eventually emerge,

clinical depression bogs us down, keeping us stuck until if and when we get too sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, to remain down.

When my mother died, I was in acute profound grief, the likes of which I had never known. I had a good T and trusted that in time, I'd heal AND besides, I did not have small children or a new job that required me to get a kickstart.

Whereas when my dad died, I had a new job and little kids, (who were watching) AND I began to have intrusive thoughts that were unproductive, bad nightmares or no sleep, and I could tell I was not merely processing my grief, but doing some "stinking thinking". The CBT was not clicking for me.

I saw an MD, took AD's for some months and the meds "unlocked" something that had been holding me back, so the CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) started kicking in.

IF the AD's had not worked I would have tried ECT or anything else available. And I'd always keep up with the new treatments, etc.

Now in my new situation -I had a life changing health episode, which makes me not want to medicate for it unless I really have to (but I would if I did).

I moved cross country, have lost a fortune in assets, my long marriage of 35 years is ending and for the first time in decades, all my kids are out of the house.

I have not spoken to my h but once in the past year, and he's not talking with the kids so it's like he went to Mars or died (but no one brings me food!)

that's a lot^^^. Yeah, I'm depressed but like you said, I am DOING what I hope and believe will help, because now from this day forward is the rest of my life.

I don't want to be sad or inert and I feel as if Deciding Not to be, matters. I feel as if there is a level of choice involved.

Your point is that you have pretty much always been this way. Correct? And either because of a chemical imbalance and or learned negativity, you cannot seem to "snap out of it", correct?

BTW Do you have family members who are depressive? If so, What are they like now?
What helped them? Did they sort of surrender to it and walk around in a gray cloud all the time? I'm asking.

Were you this way when your w fell in love with you? How Were you acting differently then?

- ECT is not to be dismissed so quickly, my friend. It is often used for what appears to be intractable negative thought patterns, and chronic depression.

It helps when patients are also doing CBT, so that the blocks can be removed and let the CBT work.

So my question is what your CBT work is like?


((( )))