Update: All 4 children are back to school. Routine is back on and it helps!
I did not hear from my doctor so health is good. I am feeling good!
as for ex-h, interesting phone call.. made me shake my head once again.. I had a job offer. a opportunity to go Corporate. I turned it down with disappointment. Timing was wrong. I sacrificed it for my children. This is where the feud between me and D17 came from. She got angry wit me and got her father involved. He came after me without knowing what the argument was about. Once I have shared the situation with him, he felt remorseful..
2 weeks later, he calls me to talk about it some more. Tells me not to worry from his end, he would not cut me off from support. He advised me to sell the house NOW and get an apartment for the winter. This way, I would be ready without having to think about this sell. Told me to sell it for half of what it is worth.( He gave me numbers. I did not tell him it doubled since his departure. lol ). (I invested a lot and in the right places.) His reason for the call was apparently to put my mind at ease. Actually, he was fishing information and it seemed to me he wants to feel needed somehow. What went through my head after the call? Well first: Control freak!! lol second: Where am I suppose to store my belongings if I sell the house now? Why move twice? Why on earth would I give the house away? Now, he has 2 things in mind: moving also or go after D14. Lets keep my eyes open. Both scenarios are a possibility.
This was last month. More info came in. He' s planning to move.. I don' t know where or when.. He is probably waiting on me ..
I think it was job who wrote to me more than once to "not try to understand crazy". I do think that our ex-spouses don't realize that we have changed in their absence. Perhaps they've been so busy dancing to the fairy fiddler's tune that they don't realize that we have had a chance to try our own wings. In your case he still probably thinks that "he knows best" and that you need his input. In mine, I think she was surprised that I'm not scared of her any more.
Good on you for standing firm and making up your own mind about what is best for you and your family.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
You can't make sense out of crazy and/or irrational statements and behavior. If you try to do so, it will not only keep you spinning, but it will make you second guess yourself. The best thing to do is to step off the crazy train and allow it to continue on down the tracks to La La Land.
Our spouses, in their minds, think that time has stood still and we are going to be right where they left us. They do not realize that w/time, we all change and move forward, as well as our children are growing up and aren't the same age as they were when their parents checked out.
Keep moving forward.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Last week, i asked ex-h to please let me know if son ask him for money, now and in the future. ( text ) His answer: he inly ask if you say NO. He knows that money is drawn from my pay and deposit in YOUR account. Plus, i know he will take whatever i offer him.
Me: i have no way of knowing if he demands it from the both of us. I do not want him to take advantage of neiter of us and pocket in extra. I gave him alot this month.
Ex-h: i' m not surprised. I told him buying his new car plus insurance plus rent plus gas... he would not be in this situation if he had took the residence like i told him to. Anyway.
Me: " anyway " I hardly ask you for anything. Could i get your co-operation on this one??
No answer
Today, ex-h calls me: Ex-h: 2 things... first Isaiah.. he never asked me for money. Why do you want to know if he does?
Me: i gave him over 700.00 last month. I have no way of knowing if he also ask you for some.. the " enableing " i was talking about this summer, this is it.. you suspected them doing drugs.. well their finance would be a good way to know if they do. This is why i asked you to let me know.
Ex- h : do you think they do?
Me: knowing from you that he never asked for money, then NO. they cannot afford it. I know how much i give them and what it is for. I knew they were gonna be short by quite a bit. So far, for october, they should be on track. They seem to be so far.
Ex- h: don' t worry, i will tell you if he vomes to me.
Me: thank you!!!
Ex-h... 2... remember the negotiations between NAPS and the government? You told me ladt Christmas you were going to complete tge kids account. Have you done so?
Me: yes
Ex-h :Well, there is another part of settlement coming in. In the next couple of days, i will bring you a certified cheque. I want you to add another 5000 per kids in the bank and keep the rest of it for yourself.
Me: ( shaky, rocky voice on the verge to cry) .. i don' t want it, i don' t need it, it is not mine... nelson, i never was with you for your money, that is not what i needed from you, you are missing the point.. ( now crying )
Ex-h: Diane, you work really hard and yes, it is yours. You deserve it. I hear what you are saying. I know.... also, i will bring the kids shopping and i will spoil them just so you know.. i want you to do the same for yourself... i will see you within a couple of days...
Me: ok.. ( still crying )
We have turned into a Love-hate rinse and repeat kind of relationship...
Today: ex-h was loving me And for some reason, it makes me sad..
Exquisite - it's tales like your's that in some ways make me glad that my STBX gives me complete radio silence.
Part of me wants to suggest that he's just trying to keep you hooked like a fish on a line. Or perhaps he's just trying to "do the right thing". Some people equate things and money with affection. Did you ever read "5 Love Languages"?
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Spoiling others is ex-h' s way of showing affecton, caring and it gives him a sense of impowerment and superiority.. A temporary feeling of being an amazing guy.
I received a text from ex-h telling me to meet him at the bank in 45 min. I was at work. I did not see the point of me going.i sent him the accnt numbers for the children. He replied that i had to be there csuse he had a certified cheque wfiten to MY NAME! I was crazy busy and took a fast run to the bank to meet him. He was inside and handed me an enveloppe. I started shsking and anxiety build up. Not a good feeling, i felt sick to my stomach.he tried to.make small talk but i could not speak.i was parslysed and wanted to get tjis over and done with. Inside, a cheque of 24 000. He said he wanted to give each of 5 k but decided to keep 1k for him to spoil the kids personally. I walked to the cashier and told her to divide it amoung the 4 kids. As she did, ex-h left. Once in my car, i sent him a picture of the deposit. He asked me why i did this. I could have given them 16 000 and kept 8 000 or give them 5 and keep 4.. My answer: you should have given my share to kim. Why do you want to reward me? I am nothing to you. I deserve NOTHING from you.
I want on a rampage.. i was angry.. ungrateful... full of anger.. I lost it and should have kept my mouth shout. There is more.. i got home, filled a telease of support (FRO ) dated and signed and mailed it out.. Wrote one last text to ex- h reminding him what i had said in the past: remember when i told you not to worry..once the kids schooling and security would be taken care of, you would not have to see or hear from me again? It' s done... THE END.
Ex-h: hello Going to be heading that way in about 10 minutes I want you to meet me at your bank in about 45 minutes or so.
Me: Hi! I'm working..
Ex-h: Take a break
Me: (sent him the kids account number )
Ex-h: I'm coming there cause I have a cheque in your name Bank draft.
Me:ok
Ex-h: 5 mintes out Head to the bank now meet you there .
The bank transition happened. By now, my blood was rushing. I felt sick to my stomach. He stood there in his uniform.. yup.. he was also working.at least supposed to be..
Ex-h: Could have just gave them 4 each and kept 8 For things you may need around the house or stuff you may have to fix. Or for what ever. I'm gonna let them spend 1k each on clothes when i have them
Me:Thank you! You should have given my share to gf
Ex-h:Keep your stupid thoughts to your self.
Me: Why on earth would you reward me??? I am nothing to you...
Ex-h: Don't [censored]'n start txting me bull [censored]!
Me: Then tell me why
Ex-h:Don't [censored]'n bother me Diane. Only when it's about the kids. Today was just another reminder of the way you're. So don't bother me.
Me: I know.... i M NOTHING Thanks for your generosity.. Faith wants a car...
Ex-h: That's for when she's done school Diane. Don't be stupid
Me: don' t worry... she uses mine. By the way who i am: reliable, responsable,.organised, devoted, always there, ponctual, independant, LOVEABLE, great listener, kind, faithful.... If i am not those things to you, ask yourself why
Ex-h: Don't bother me Diane.
Me:I' m sending that form signed through Sarah... i don' t deserve nothing from you. You have trashed me years ago. Physically and internally, for LIFE!! Thank you for that! You now have the kids accnt.. you or Kim can give it to them personnally.. i told you you would not have to see or hear from me ever again once the kids were taken care of.... they are... THE END.
Loving people is not money... your father shows up at your door with 100 000 .. how do you feel? We all need the same thing you do. We are all human. We need love, attention, security, appreciation, respect, care, pride. If we feel like others don' t see these things in us, we are doing all this for nothing , we feel like we are nothing. When it comes to children: they need to know you are proud of the person they are.they need encouragement when rhey doubt themselves. Nelson, i loved you like no one else ever will.. i gave my all to you and them. Unfortunately, our separation destroyed me to pieces. I am marked for life. A battle only me can work on. You want to make it up to your children? Look at what they need physically and EMOTIONALLY and step up to the plate. This is my last communication with you from my end. If you want that money back, i' ll give it back.
