Emotional last couple days, So today went to IC did lots of crying of course but my Therapist realized and said I hear you say W,kids and friends but who taking care of you. Well she has a point and great question since I could remember I have taken care of everyone or give great advice but can't do that for myself. I am so Broken I didn't realize how bad things are with me because going what we going through makes us feel unworthy like example I know I lost tons of weight did my hair different purchase new cloths but did I really did it for me or to see if W notice. Is sad but if W couldn't love me for how I looked or because life got busy with kids why should I let W back in my life. Because then I think wow if I was in accident and couldn't walk or got a skin disease something out of control would W left me any way. I know I am just going through a emotional rollercoaster right now, but also realizing my worthiness
I know myself could I really forgive W for Hurting kids,Me and destroying me and kids financially where I didn't even know 2 months ago if I was going be sleeping in a car. Or our next food. Or again my kids where adopted they had a horrible past they came from a broke abuse home, I honestly could say I see my kids hurt they feel abandon they feel am going walk aways too but God knows I reassure them am here forever I make sure they feel love. Btw they are in therapy as there therapist said they are just protecting themselves. But these are questions I ask over and Over. Can I really forgive W if big if she does ask to come Back. Can LOVE really conquer all. Honestly at this moment I have to say No. Love can't fix what W broke but destroy and If was only me maybe a big maybe but she has put and said pretty nasty things to our kids and me when she we lived together. I just want to become better so I can keep being better for my three kids.
Would love to hear from anyone that has gone through these feelings. Can you really forgive your W/H without getting angry and throwing it in there face. ???? I just am lost with feelings..
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
