Not too much to update. Legal process is chugging along. Ex will have to respond to my counter-claim, and I'm very interested in seeing what sort of BS responses he'll choose.
I used to help him with his high conflict ex-wife's legal aggression, so if there's anything left of "him" in there, he'll know that I surely have evidence of the things that I claimed.
After he received my response and counter-claim, his attorney sent over another settlement offer. Inexplicably, they are offering me the SAME amount I've already turned down once. ... Seriously? Not even a dollar more?
I've been avoiding dealing with that because I.just.can't. I don't understand this insanity and I've checked out because I have other things to focus on.
If things were as he claimed, and we "grew apart" and he just realized we couldn't stay together and we needed to sell the house, someone sane might make a decent offer, realizing that what happened wasn't my choice (nor was I given any say in the matter) and therefore I shouldn't be financially penalized. However, that would be far too sane for my situation.
Nope. He never dealt with the controlling women in his past. He never dealt with the fact that he was his Narcissist mother's emotional caretaker growing up, but also the scapegoat. He's got so much anger about that, but Narc mom also taught him that negative emotions were unacceptable. He's all bottled up and he projected all of his rage onto me, the one person who would tell him that he had every right to be angry at his history. He pushed me away.
No word from H. I'm okay with that. If I hear from him, I think it will be in a few years, once his kids are grown and he's had to do some self-reflection, and he's over his efforts to try to replicate the good parts of Cadence plus all the amazing qualities that some self-absorbed crazy women can offer him. The man wants a mother right now. He doesn't want a partner. He wants a sexy mother figure so he can correct his childhood.
An unexpected development is that I've forged a connection with a new guy. 46, no kids, and we've got crushes on one another. He seems really sweet and emotionally available. He tells me stories about his family, and he loves his mother and grandmother. He went through a LTR breakup earlier this year, and he's throwing himself into training for a marathon, which I find really admirable. He was married in his twenties, and though it didn't work out, he and his ex are still good friends.
We're just talking at this point, since he's 5-ish hours away. However, there's a good chance he may be interested in moving to my area in the not-so-distant future. We're moving slowly and we still have yet to see if we're attracted to one another in person, but I'm thankful just to be talking to a nice man who is interested in me.
It is so refreshing. It's making me see how much I had to walk on eggshells for H, and that he wasn't seeing me for me. But no matter what, this guy (or any guy) is not my savior. I can save myself. I can be happy all on my own. I'm still GAL and making sure I don't fill in the unknowns about this guy with positives, but, I gotta be honest - he's knocking it out of the park so far. I don't have to wonder; he's consistent and kind.
I've been talking about it with my IC to make sure I'm not rebounding or using this guy as a crutch, and she says I have a really good perspective on it.
I recognize that I have a history of choosing emotionally unavailable men. This guy's kindness and consistency are something that makes me feel physically uncomfortable at times. But I recognize that is 100% about me, and I'm powering through, because I deserve to fall in love with someone consistent and kind. And maybe that's what will happen.
