How do I get things right?

[Lovelyp]

Thanks Sandi2 for your comments. I really appreciate the advice.

When he is lashing out at you, how do you usually react to him?

I used to also react in anger and say things that I would regret. I used to make him feel bad too. I disrespected him and I would try to tell him he pushed me to the ONS by his neglect. I said so much to hurt him too. I feel what lacked was skill on how to work on the marriage and conflict resolution.

When you are in public together, does he show disrespectful or inappropriate behavior toward you?

No, not at all. He has behaves like a gentle man in public and in front of our D.

The ONS took place over a year ago. Why no MC during that time, when you say he would go if you asked?

We went immediately for MC and he wanted us to continue. I did not find it helpful because the councellor was so slow and trying to get us to continue coming. I did not think he was that good.
We also went to the same Counsellor for a week in November and I still did not feel he was good. He told me that he was good but its just that we want quick solution. H said when dealing with infidelity unfortunately no amount of MC can undo the pain because they focus on acceptance. He felt given the circumstances he was helping a lot but unfortunately H wished we had gone before the ONS. Past 2 months he was trying to pay for me to go for IC.

What type of attitude do you have around him when he is saqys angry things at you? Are you the long suffering W? Do you feel you deserve to be punished? Do you get angry at him, and if so......how does it show?

I react so badly. i would shout and make him feel unwanted. I need to deal with my anger and also start respecting him