How do I get things right?

[Lovelyp]

Forgiveness is a learned skill imo. How was forgiveness modeled in your childhood?

And in your h's?

I was raised in a family where people would easily forgive. I think on that I am ok that he even says I am too forgiving. On the other hand he was raised in a family where people would hold grudges and withdraw. I can see that he makes an effort and even complained about how his family was. He is generally a forgiving person. On what I did I also feel i should give him time to process and take his time as this is something that's really painful. We went for MC last November and stopped because I thought the counsellor.

Also his "reasoning" about flirting with OW's is just self serving justification of inappropriate behavior on his part. It is saying he still feels insecure so he gets to hurt you b/c that is how he gets on a level playing field.

Which means he does not know how to lift himself AND OR he wants to hurt or control you.

How long does he think he gets to punish you (b/c that is exactly what it is)?

I feel he feels threatened by me and feels insecure. The ONS did not help because when he talked to the OM did not make it a secret that he really wants to be with me but I hadcut all contact. In fact he even wanted to cause problems to make us to divorce. I guess H feels so threatened by that too. He wants us to work but he wants to be sure that I am not attracted to this OM or that I dont compare him to the OM. He even mentioned that he is afraid of loosing me and had some dreams about that. I guess I need to keep reassuring him and showing him that I regret what I did.

So he met your needs for an evening. Good.

The "math" of this is

consistent change + sufficient time = change to believe in.

maybe you can do 30 day chunks of time before monitoring for a change. I am putting the focus on HIS behavior more than yours.

I don't see your behavior in the present as the main problem in the m. Do you?[/color]

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So far he has been consistent and doing a lot to make me feel good. He has not insulted or shouted at me or said anything bad. He has been listening and trying his best to meet my emotional needs. I have been happy for the past few days and I pray he continues to work on himself.
I used to shout back and say bad things in response when he shouts. I would react in bad ways and then disrespect him. I will work on how I communicate and respect him. I have been lacking in that area and have been worsening the problems.