Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 11, filing for D

[Lovelyp]

Hi PsySara,
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I'm reading your sitch and still on old posts. Maybe I'm not the best person to give advice. I believe you guys are in love but then your husband is so frustrated with what it had become before he had the A. I understand you are both muslims but not sure how you handle this. I had a friend who grew up in strict churches and she got too religious compared to her H. The husband grew up in similar churches so when they got married they just both continued to follow the strict church rules. The husband started getting interested in women who wear certain types of dressing but was too scared to communicate abt how he didn't really like the strict code as he felt it made her less attractive and older. He would wear trendy clothes and the wife never noticed his unhappiness. She only realized when she found some texts between him and the OW. It was a shock to her to learn what turns him on is things against his church dressing code. She got rid of the flared, dull skirts, very loose tops and head cover. The H was happy and they both discussed what changes they can make in terms of dressing and lifestyle.

I think with faith it's always good to discuss so that you are both comfortable and happy. Some faiths are not based on what we choose and some Hs or Ws fear being labeled and quietly follow rules so as to be seen as good spouses. This is especially so when one grow up in the faith (or church because doctrines and rules differ a lot ) and hence might not personally have made a choice. This might not be relevant to you but his interest in the OW seems not to be because he loves her but he seems to be running away from some limitations. Is the woman of similar faith and dressing? How strict is she about rules related to faith?
When I look at what you wrote I think there is something in the marriage he is unhappy about and he didn't start with the A. He first hurried himself in work. It might be things he feels you might not want to change (possibly related to how strict you follow faith related rules).
I feel you have to be open minded and ask him what really got him so unhappy. I am a Christian and I believe there are basic faith doctrines which are important but as to following church rules you should be open to make changes that make both of you happy without considering how your extended family feel. I have some friends who followed strict church rules and the Hs felt suffocated by the rules and started to look for fun outside.