Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 11, filing for D

[PsySara]

Thank you friends, my tank is empty or else I would post back individually. But huge hugs to you all.

Something weird happened today. I got off work a little early to go pay my lawyer to start the process and I caught WH riding his bike past my work. It was so odd, he looked at me while I was waiting at a red light and nodded at me. I just stared because he had to drive all the way across town and was in an out-of-the-way place to pass by my job. He had to have planned to purposely drive past my job. WTH?

I paid my retainer and filing fee today. My lawyer sent me home with a huge amount of paperwork to complete, both WH and I are worth a good chunk of money and I am buried under itemization. Between debt and assets I think this will take me the better part of the week at least. I am sitting at the dining room table muddling through this and WH is in his man cave playing video games, nothing new. The friends that I have informed about the D are all supporting me. I think most of them are breathing a sigh of relief.

But I am sad...so very, very sad. My dream is crumbling and fading away and I am just letting myself grieve. I bury myself in work and then come home to bury myself in my kid's care. By the end of the day I am numb and drained. GAL presents a challenge as childcare after work falls squarely on my shoulders and I work 50-60 hours a week. I thought if I was wise and picked my husband carefully, watched his behaviors for a few years before agreeing to marriage (making sure we agree on goals) that I would have avoided all this heartbreak. But no, life has a way of becoming slippery and somewhat uncontrollable. So I am going to just let these waves of sadness pass over me and deal with my own heartbreak.