In the end though you got your mojo back, filed and it woke him up. Combined with him viewing you as an attractive option. Correct? The filing for D, combined with the other factors, including time/distance and you being an attractive option pushed him over the edge.
I wish I could tell you that I got my mojo back, lol, but no not entirely. Actually I am still looking for it, and chit I hope I find it soon because I turn 40 next year :-O ... I also didn't file for D. ... But, I was starting to go out more, enjoy my GAL more, got better at faking my happiness, and the DB extreme weight loss made that a bit easier. He did think that I was dating someone tho and it drove him crazy! I recall one day he came by for the kids on a Friday evening, I was dressed up, and just breezily said goodbye to everyone, and he followed me out to my car, tried to keep talking to me, and was chocking back tears. I did not mention that I was only going to a GFs house for dinner, but I did secretly enjoy watching him suffer. Muah hahaha!
Also, while I didn't file for D, I did consult 2 Ls. He found out and flipped! Another time he followed me out with all the questions! He was a much better spy than I was and he def had some intel. What I did not tell him was that I was not going to file because I would have screwed myself financially. I live in a no fault state, and I was living in our large home with him at his parents house, and he was paying half of everything. His NG guilt had him eating out of my hand at times TBH ...
The biggest factor, I think, I had very little influence over. His R with OW was never what he hoped for in his limerance/EA/secret stages in the beginning. The reality was that she was needy and insecure, they no longer had the family time that they had in our circles of friends, they were somewhat outcast from everyone, and he wasn't "comfortable" with her. I actually found that out early on when digging through his backpack ... and I'll tell you what? That was never and is still not an issue with me! TMI? Whatever. I'll take it.
The longer their R was out in the real world, the faster it deteriorated. He was essentially running from his life and she was there always telling him how great he was and how he deserved better. There was very little substance and it was a lot of drama. I think part of his attraction to the A was his inability to face our issues, so he blamed/resented me, and then justified running away from the M. She alone is not a person he said he would have ever dated or been attracted to. In fact, early on in our circle of friends, he would complain about her being annoying ... Sorry, I just really hate the B!
When I hear her saying safe choice. I interpret that is boring, predictable and reliable.
Funny you should bring this up, because this was another reason that my H wanted to come back. He missed his every day life at home and with me and the kids. The novelty wore off quickly. He is an easy going guy who likes the more "boring" and predictable stuff. I think most people eventually want to settle down and have Rs that are easy and comfortable, so I am not sure this is such a bad thing. For me, I want both. I want my every day family life and I still make time to GAL and have fun. It's all about balance and I don't need to leave my H for that! ... Please remind me of this again when I talk about leaving. Thank you.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
