I totally understand the slip you made toward XW. You are human. You have carried through an enormous amount of pain throughout this sitch, and you've dealt with a rare version of MLC - the mother who totally abandons her children.
Her mind is a true mess. If she started to wake up today, it would still take a long time for her to walk back from where she is stuck. I don't know that she will. You've chronicled all her texts - watching blame & entitlement lurking underneath the surface most of the time.
I'm not accusing you of trying to hurt her with your text. If you did mean to hurt her - consciously or sub-consciously - you were responding to her nastiness, which you can only dodge so much.
You know that phase the LBS goes through where you reach out to people for help in the hopes that everyone tells you your not crazy? Eventually you grow out of it, and you realize it's their problem.
It's still her problem. The insanity that is the MLCer's endless martyrdom is something she's truly believes. It is every day normal for her, and she has to pursue a life that adheres to that story to keep her mind away from the brutal truth of what she's done with her own life.
Remember, you don't see her anymore - but her life is probably a gigantic mess that she has to keep pretending makes total sense.
Yeah, you blew your top. I understand. Step back and learn. I understand you being tired of playing by her rules, especially when her rules don't make sense because they're changing all the time.
The LBS walks away different, but we eventually become whole again. We know what is missing within us and we are taking steps to get there again. You're just not whole again yet, Irish - that's all - but you're freaking dating! Woo hoo!
She has yet to admit there is something missing inside her in the first place.
As for the funeral stuff, after everything your D's have said about XW, I wouldn't try to drag 2 teenage girls to a funeral proceeding if they don't want to. While it feels admirable to give this advice to someone else, the idea that to prove "we are the bigger people and we'll put this aside for the time being" is easier said than done. They don't want to see her.
The nuttiest part about XW's spew is the whole "wait til they're 30" junk. There's no expiration date on pain - you'd think XW would know this.
Bad choice of words, yes, but you're probably right - her head is up her a$$.
M: 49, W: 45 T: 22 M: 15 S14, S11, S9 BD: Jan '16 W files: Oct '16 D final: June '18
