Sorry Sandi, I will. Im starting over fresh. I have a question - As long as we are not discussing the A, we get along great just like before all this happened. Is that cake eating on her part? Sorry if its a stupid question, but im trying to learn fresh and figure out the landscape. I asked my DB coach this ^^^question a long time ago.
She said "to an extent, every WAS 'cake eats' for awhile. They are not here trying to save the m, the LBS is. The WAS is on the fence about the m, so of course they 'cake eat' temporarily."
There are obvious judgement calls. Make sure your motivation is not acting out of a sorely wounded pride or ego, but from a genuine desire to set/enforce a boundary.
Can you hire a DB coach? You seem to take a lot of polls and then react quickly to the latest strongly worded post.
Food for thought.
I know its not detaching in the slightest, but we went out as a family to the grocery, like we always did, and had a really good time, laughing, joking, picking at one another. Just curious if it is because there is no mention of the A?
No one can say "WHY" there was joy in the family or marriage.
But I can tell you that questioning and cynically doubting every single happy moment will sure enough end them.
Good moments and sometimes just "Conflict free" ones, helps to give you something to build on. I can say for sure if you are cold and or confrontational it won't get a reconciliation out of this.
Also, 25 mentioned that this A was relatively new given the standards, 6 months aas one and 18 as another. Will i be able to notice if it fizzles out as mentioned?
if you are to reconcile, and last, it'll be b/c at some point, your w will make her wants plainly known.
Nothing foggy or vague, b/c you & she won't reconcile without some certainty on your end
and you won't have that certainty without clarity from her.
Your real question is how you can tell if she's second guessing herself. I"m hesitant to say b/c there really are many variations. BluWave's h had an open A for several months and I think they were apart for 18 months (I'm not positive there on the timeline).
In any case, she gave up and her h had his own awakening. He's working hard to rebuild the trust she lost and they certainly have a good shot at this. But she went through hell & back.
And if I recall right, there were few signs he was on his way back. I know there were some interesting misinterpretations she mentioned awhile back. In fact one worth sharing.
Blue said during their sep, she got a promotion of sorts at work. Her h gave her a bottle of wine and a card and set it in their (former) bedroom. She read a lot into that placement and spent a ton of mind reading energy on that, but when they later reconciled, she asked her h about it.
He said "oh, I put it in the bedroom b/c I did not want the kids to see the alcohol..."
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
