Journey to Acceptance

[Coly23]

Thanks skim, you are right, it's the expectations that are the worst! But NC means no expectations so I just need to get back to that.

Journaling: I seem to be cycling back to an earlier part of my sitch when I was very restless and found it hard to concentrate on one thing especially at work. Today was a real struggle.

Even though I have upped my GAL recently I can't seem to stop my brain from working overtime. I had a really good cry yesterday and then again in the shower this morning. I think it's because I'm feeling increasingly hopeless in my sitch and it's the complete and utter feeling of helplessness that there is nothing I can do but continue on a path which I did not choose.

I worry about the next few months leading up to D's birthday and Christmas and I know that is borrowing trouble from tomorrow but I still can't help it. I wonder if he is going to ask to see me and D or if he will wait for us to ask him or if he just us t bothered. IDK if D will want to see him and I'm not sure how that will make me feel, especially on her b'day. Actually writing it out here makes me feel a bit better because I have not told anyone how I'm feeling. One of my Sister's has asked if I want to spend Christmas with her family and all I wanted to scream is that I just want to spend it with my little family, me, H and D. Like old times. I miss it so much.

Anyway, that's my little moan for the day!