JMSTL thread-Part 5-What a beautiful GAL

[Jmstl]

She said she did not want me going on the family trip that was planned for next year.

Serious question- why would you want to go?

I mentioned that I thought she and I would be in a better place in 10 months

Don't talk about the future. Sandi's rule #5: "Do not encourage talk about the future. They don't want to think about a future with you at the moment, so stay clear of that subject."

She said she didn't want put things like holiday and vacation schedules through the court. I told her it was for my protection, in case she gets nasty.

OK well I think the courts require that all the visitation be outlined in the decree, but of course what the two of you choose to do may or may not be reflected by what's in the decree. XW and I agreed before the D that we would be flexible with each other regardless of what was in the decree, and we have been. We talk about upcoming holidays and work it out in advance. For example, in the decree I think it says we switch every other Thanksgiving, but in actuality she usually takes the kids to her mom's on Thanksgiving eve and day and I take them to my mom's Thanksgiving night and the next day. So technically you're both right, it needs to be in the decree but you'll also need to have some flexibility in coordinating exact details together.

I'm not sure either of you have thought about this, but with your kids being 1 and 6, you have 17 years of this ahead of you! All I can say is try and be flexible with her because there will be times she needs it and times you need it.

Michele says in DR that when kids are involved, there's no such thing as D. I'm not sure any WAS really realizes just how true that is, as co-parents your lives are forever intertwined. She may dream of a new life with a clean break and a new OM but that's unrealistic.

Why would I want to go?

My kids


I have been VERY flexible with her. I have taken the kids multiple times while she goes and does God knows what.

I was not trying to encourage talk about the future, as in a relationship with her. I said that I thought we would be in a better place in 10 months, not as in our relationship, but being able to get along as co-parents. She had even stated so, about a month ago, when she brought up the trip.

I told her I was done, and that I had moved on.

But in a way, I am relieved not to go. I would enjoy myself, but only for my kids. I think things will get better coparenting wise, but I can't even stand to look at her right now.