I do think this is my W....any thoughts or strategies on how to handle?

This is the hard part of giving up control. I don't think there is anything different you can do to win them back other than DB for your own self preservation and growth. Over time they will notice, but of course that doesn't mean they want to R. I think you can never have enough GAL activities tho. What sort of things did your W find attractive about you when you guys met? Does that motivate you again? For example, did you engage in more sports, social activities, music, taking a writing class, etc? Would you still enjoy these same sort of GALs?

There are so many great topics in this thread! 1. The difference between a WAW and a WW. 2. The timing of filing for D and if that motivates WW/WAW to come back. 3. If WW/WAW comes back to M, but hasn't made changes, and then 4. The gender differences and why it seems WH returns to the M more often than WW. Each one could be it's own thread.

I am not sure I can speak to all of these. I can share what I have read here and from my own sitch. I think Wonka brought up a great point about men being more territorial. Even tho my H was Wayward and left the M to pursue OW, there were several times he thought I was dating (or even when I was dressed up and going out) and it bothered him a lot! He said he would have ask himself why it bothered him and that he knew he had a double standard, but it still did. This was another red flag in his mind that he was making a mistake. If he was leaving me then why did he care so much about what I was doing? Over time more and more things forced him to see what a mistake it was; but leaving OW was also difficult because she was very clingy and emotional (not the fun loving floozy she was before he left me and during their EA).

Meanwhile, the OW (who was also Wayward and left her H) did not follow the same path (recall we were all friends). According to my H, she made it clear to him that she would have left her H (WAW) with or without the A (my H). I don't tend to believe much of what she says, but when my H left her, she did not go back to her H. She moved right on to OM2 and moved in with him (and all their kids) in just a few months. Is this because of gender differences or because she was actually a WAW (that used the A as an exit), whereas my H was just Wayward? I mean, no one can ever no for sure, but I tend to think both. I think men that are Wayward are more likely to return to the M and I think that Waywards in general are more likely to return than Walkaways.

Let me be clear again, that this is my perspective, and my perspective is a scorned woman who was burned by both my H and OW, who I thought was a close friend for several years. I am sure if you heard other POV, they would be different. I also recall OW (when we were friends and before I knew about her A with my H) joking for a couple years about how she would leave her H some day and how we all better look after him, etc. So I have no idea if she was planning her Walkaway or just blowing smoke up my arse because she was pursing my H. Who really knows? Sigh.

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela