Finding my way out of the dark - Part 4

[Holding]

So this weekend was a real adventure! (insert usual disclaimer about long post here)

I had plans to head to San Antonio and meet up with JoeJoe on Saturday. On Friday I texted my STBXW to say I was leaving Saturday and coming back on Sunday. She asked me where I was going and I said I wasn't comfortable sharing that info. Her response was "wow thanks. Use protection." When I read that, I just busted out laughing at work. The fact that she might actually be jealous was just too rich. I never responded.

About 30 minutes later she texted again saying "Holding, I don't know what the big deal is. I tell you where I'm going. But I don't care where you go and who you're with. You deserve privacy and happiness. I'm sorry." Once again, I didn't respond.

The next day, I dressed up and got ready to leave. My STBXW saw me leaving with my packed bag, but we never talked. I got on the road to SA, and about an hour later, my transmission cr@pped out! I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, and I was thinking to myself, "this svcks, but I can handle it and figure something out". The old me would've been freaking out. The old me would've never decided to drive to another city alone and meet up with a stranger.

I was calling roadside assistance, when fortunately some old jimbob mechanic guy stopped. He checked it out and said I should be able to head back home if I kept it under 60mph. At one point, the cops and an ambulance even showed up - apparently someone saw me in my car and thought I was slumped over at the wheel! The mechanic guy wished me luck and I drove off. I was so grateful for his help, and I wish I could have done something for him. The guy saved me at least $300 in towing fees!

So I limped back into town, dropped off my car at the dealership, and got a practically brand-new vehicle as a loaner. (This loaner car is important later.) I was able to reschedule with JoeJoe for lunch on Sunday, so I headed back in to SA and checked in to my hotel for the night, thankfully without incident.

On Sunday, on the way to meet JoeJoe, I noticed someone's car was broken down in a parking lot. I drove past at first, and then I thought about what that old guy had done for me. So I turned around and decided to ask them if they needed any help. I don't know cr@p about cars really, but I figured I could give them a ride or something. It turned out they had help on the way. But I drove away from that feeling a little more confident and happy.

So JoeJoe and I finally met up, and we spent about 2 hours talking. He has a lot of great positive energy, and I think he's got a shot at saving his M. If not, I know the dude will definitely be OK. JoeJoe, I hope my cynicism didn't rub off on you! If we can arrange another meetup for the Texas folks, I'll be there. If AS can make it, he should probably stop at the lumber yard on the way in.

On my way back home, STBXW texted me to say she hoped I accepted her apology from the other day (about the protection thing). She admitted she was out of line and sarcastic. So I thanked her for the apology. I did ask myself though, why should she care if I accept her apology? Whether I accept it our not is a personal matter (and STBXW doesn't get to share in my personal matters any more).

When I got back home, STBXW didn't have much to say. I did notice her looking at my bag (looking for an airline tag I think) and checking out my new shoes. But when she saw this strange car sitting out front, she started hitting me with all these questions. I explained I had transmission problems, dropped my car off, and got a loaner. She left to go to the store, and started texting me saying "You bought that car. I'm not stupid. That's a temporary buyer tag on the car." I said I didn't appreciate her tone (standing up for myself again). I reiterated that it was a loaner, and we would talk about it when she got back.

When she returned, I gave her the car key and told her to look for the paperwork in the center console. She checked it out, and then seemed like she wanted to laugh off the whole thing. She said she didn't care if I bought a new car, that I could do whatever I want. But she kept asking questions about the details of when this happened, where I brought my car, what an odd coincidence this was when I was going on my trip, etc. At one point during the conversation, I turned to S10 to say something, and she touched me on the arm to get my attention. She hasn't touched me in months. But I know better than to think this is a sign of anything meaningful.

When I asked her why she was so curious about the car, she said she didn't know why we couldn't talk about it. She said "It looks like we'll be stuck in the house together for who knows how many months before we're D, so we might as well learn how to talk to each other."

While it's interesting that my STBXW has suspicions about what I'm up to and tries to downplay them, I don't think this is any indicator she's thinking about calling off the D.

And I'm not sure I would accept not getting D at this point. I know I could never go back to our old MR. I can't even imagine what a new MR with her would be like.